- ASSHAT & Master of Time
- Posts: 30840
- Joined: July 13th 2010, 10:00pm
The newest shortage due to the COVID-19 pandemic? Very long tables.
We've all seen them--news conferences with officials sitting behind really long tables, six feet apart, issuing important updates and facts about the coronavirus. Alas, there are only two companies in the US that make very long tables, Very Long Tables, Inc. out of Lockport, IN and reallylongfuckingtables.com. Both companies are stressed to the limit, with the demand of really, really long tables in short supply.
"This is a national catastrophe," said Norman Gundersen, president and CEO of Very Long Tables. "Every locale, every two-bit politician wants to sit, with his advisers, at a very long table to show off his social distancing. There just isn't enough wood available, to say nothing of the custom Cabriole table legs, to made enough very long tables." Gundersen then broke down and started crying.
There are rumors that China will help out the US, with emergency production from Very Wrong Tables, LLC, making an emergency flight of very long tables to San Francisco via the People's Air Force Rife Fright.
--beefsupreme, commenting on his super rare Deep Blue wartche