Around 23 hours to go in this, the final auction of the WLs annual charity shindigs. The proceeds from all these auctions will go to aid Shriner's Hospitals for Children, which help kids from families with terrible health issues, and they never charge the families a motherfucking cent.
Just think of it; little kids are in the hospital right now, getting life-saving treatment, during this most happy time of the year. Most of these kids will be worried not about getting well, or how their parents will pay for their continuing care, or anything else. No, what they're worried about is that Santa Claus might pass them by, because he doesn't know where they are. They think that Santa will visit their homes, and leave presents for all their brothers and sisters, but little Timmy or Susie won't get anything, because they're in the fucking hospital and Santa doesn't know where they are. Image how low these sick little kids feel, because all their friends are making snowmen, and having snowball fights, and running home from school on the last day before that long Christmas break. The other kids will be playing and running around and helping mom make Christmas cookies, and watching Home Alone on the fucking Lifetime Channel, and singing Christmas songs and watching their dads walking home from the train through frosted window panes, but not Timmy or Susie. Why? Because Timmy and Susie are in the motherfucking hospital. They've got cancer, they're missing limbs. No eggnog for Timmy and Susie. Nope, just a plastic bag full of glucose and cancer drugs dripping into their tiny, pain-wracked limbs. And on Christmas day, when the other kids are charging downstairs to find a bike, or a Viewmaster, or a motherfucking My Little Pony under the tree, brightly lit with beautiful lights and hung with handmade and antique ornaments handed down for generations, Timmy and Susie will wake up in a bitter, sterile hospital room, hoping against hope that Santa hasn't passed them by.
But Santa won't pass them by. Not this year, goddamn it. Why? Because we're the motherfucking Watchlords, that's why, and goddamn it, Watchlords don't put up with that fucking shit. We're fucking Santa Claus this year. We're gonna ante up on this last auction, and we're gonna fucking overbid on these goddamn watches like a Geek during an Invicter broadcast from Eyal's fucking Pony Farm. We're gonna raise so much fucking money with this last auction that we'll sleep better on Christmas Eve, because Timmy and Susie are going to find out that we care.
So start bidding, you bastards. I know you're not going to let Timmy and Susie down. You fucking planks.
Cream rises to the top while jackoffs only leave puddles of rancid jizz.
--Temerity, regarding Bazinga!.