Paul Lynde quotes

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Paul Lynde quotes

Post by koimaster » June 17th 2022, 1:07am

Peter Marshall: "Eddie Fisher recently said, 'I am sorry. I am sorry for them both.' Who was he referring to?"
Paul Lynde: "His fans."

Marshall: "According to Tony Randall, 'Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been...' what?"
Lynde: "Bitterly disappointed."

Marshall: "Paul, how many fingers in the girl scout salute?"
Lynde: "Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies."

Marshall: "Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?"
Lynde: "No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing."

Marshall: "Paul, any good sailor knows that when a man falls off a ship you yell 'Man overboard!' What should you shout if a woman falls overboard?"
Lynde: "Full speed ahead!"

Marshall: "What are 'dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?"
Lynde: "They give milk... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies."

Marshall: "Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?"
Lynde: "Because chiffon wrinkles too easily."

Marshall: "According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?"
Lynde: "11."

Marshall: "What's the one thing you should never do in bed?"
Lynde: "Point and laugh!"

Marshall: "In 'The Wizard Of Oz', the Tin Man wanted a heart, and the Lion wanted courage. What did the Straw Man want?"
Lynde: "He wanted the Tin Man to notice him."

Marshall: "In the Shakespearean play 'King Lear,' King Lear had three of them - Goneril, Cordelia, and Regan? Who were they?"
Lynde: "King Lear had Goneril?"

Marshall: "Paul, everyone knows the first verse: What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / Early in the morning? But what is the first line of the next verse?"
Lynde : [singing] "Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Early in the morning." [audience laughs] "How disgusting... that poor sailor!"

Marshall: "True or false, Paul Revere had 16 children?"
Lynde: "From ONE midnight ride?"

Marshall: "Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn't be able to do my job. What was it?"
Lynde: "Let's see... toupees? Facelifts? Contact lenses?"
Marshall: "Now cut that out!"
Lynde: "Makeup? Capped teeth? Loud sports jackets?" (IMDb)

Happy Birthday, Paul Lynde!


“Your heart was warm and happy

With the lilt of Irish laughter

Every day and in every way

Now forever and ever after."
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