My mother

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bobbee
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My mother

Post by bobbee » December 2nd 2021, 1:15pm

Okay, thought I would post this rant here, see what you guys think.
My mother has stage 4 Lymphoma, she's 85 but until 2 weeks ago she was chipper and living in her house next door to my brother. I visited several times, she was totally self- sufficient even with the chemo. 2 weeks ago an ignorant relative who had just recovered from covid visited her and passed it on to her. Fast forwards to yesterday, covid has made her weak and disoriented, and now covid is gone the hospital shifted her to an old people's home where we can't visit for 2 weeks minimum, nobody knows why she is there (supposed to be for rehabilitation but she can't talk or stand), she should be taking her final course of chemo but the home knows nothing about this.
So, no visits, no info from staff, mum can't remember how to work her cell phone and nobody will help with it, and no info on her chemo.
Fuck me sideways.
Rant over.
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Re: My mother

Post by Thunder1 » December 2nd 2021, 1:52pm

bobbee wrote:
December 2nd 2021, 1:15pm
Okay, thought I would post this rant here, see what you guys think.
My mother has stage 4 Lymphoma, she's 85 but until 2 weeks ago she was chipper and living in her house next door to my brother. I visited several times, she was totally self- sufficient even with the chemo. 2 weeks ago an ignorant relative who had just recovered from covid visited her and passed it on to her. Fast forwards to yesterday, covid has made her weak and disoriented, and now covid is gone the hospital shifted her to an old people's home where we can't visit for 2 weeks minimum, nobody knows why she is there (supposed to be for rehabilitation but she can't talk or stand), she should be taking her final course of chemo but the home knows nothing about this.
So, no visits, no info from staff, mum can't remember how to work her cell phone and nobody will help with it, and no info on her chemo.
Fuck me sideways.
Rant over.
I have no words that adequately convey my dismay at learning of this this news..I don't know what else to say other than I'm so sorry to hear of this..hang in there!!.. :dssd:
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Re: My mother

Post by koimaster » December 2nd 2021, 2:17pm

Your mother’s doctors have to be forced to deal with this. The hospital had no legal right to send your mother to a home without her informed consent. My wife died from lymphoma, it is a nasty disease.
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Re: My mother

Post by jason_recliner » December 2nd 2021, 3:44pm

That's a disgrace. You must be distraught. Keep in touch with her anyway you can, perhaps an advocate group can help reestablish your phone calls. Do you know any doctors who may be able to contact the home and hospital on your behalf?
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Re: My mother

Post by 3Flushes » December 2nd 2021, 3:59pm

Sorry to hear this --- In the US we have what's called a Medical Durable Power of Attorney. In the instance someone is unable to make medical decisions for themselves, the decision(s) fall to whom they have appointed. I suspect a similar power of attorney exists in the UK; look into establishing one as soon as her mental status clears. Even absent a POA, the way this happened is disgusting.

It is SOP in medicine to get folks out of the hospital (acute care) ASAP, and if they have lost mobility or their mental status has been affected, a stay in rehab (sub acute - lower cost) is the norm. Given her lymphoma, the doctor treating her will be your best advocate and advisor. As for the facility refusing to facilitate communication with her or provide you information, they are likely hiding behind confidentiality. Don't bother with the staff - I suggest you speak directly to the Director of Nursing or the Administrator of the facility to try to establish communication or find out how she's doing. Hopefully, the doc can facilitate her return to the hospital to finish her chemo there if it's appropriate, but at a minimum, they should be able to find out her status and communicate it to the family.

Will keep a good thought for your family, man.
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Re: My mother

Post by Mark1 » December 2nd 2021, 7:42pm

Sorry to hear about this. We had a fairly similar experience with my mother. Within two weeks of her first covid shot, she suffered the first of several small strokes. You couldn't visit in the hospital for a time and then only for 15 minutes. Then she went to a rehab place, where she couldn't have visitors for two weeks. Then for 15 minutes a day. If any staff or patient there had covid they would lock it down again. Get medical power of attorney if you can. My sister had it for my mother and she was able to get some information and access. We couldn't get her an appointment with a neurologist for three months. Rest assured the medical bureaucracy you have to deal with will blame everything on covid or covid restrictions. I hope things work out better for your mother I know what you are up against.
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Re: My mother

Post by Nuvolari » December 2nd 2021, 9:48pm

Wow, that’s so completely sucks and I am very sorry to read this. Once you get the DPA it seems like it may behove you to be the “squeaky wheel” and raise all sorts of hell until you receive answers to your questions and force someone to describe what is required to get her out of that place!

Your poor mom! Doing her thing, I’m sure somewhat fragile (85!) but getting along on her own until some completely ignorant fuckwad brings her trouble! Inconsiderate or arrogant? It doesn’t matter…

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Re: My mother

Post by bobbee » December 4th 2021, 7:25am

Thanks guys.
I called the care home yesterday and was told that my mum would ring me at 6 p.m. but I missed it as they rang at 8 p.m. and I was upstairs.
All the children must be wondering; "Are we next?"
Ban guns.
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