- ASSHAT & Master of Time
- Posts: 30594
- Joined: July 13th 2010, 10:00pm
Part 1. I had noticed a bum taking up space in my store; he was sitting in the back of the store, using his Obama-Phone, and had his dog sleeping on his jacket on the floor. Since he wasn't bothering anybody, I let him be.
Later, it was called to my attention that the dog was wandering around my store by herself. The bum was nowhere to be found. We took the poor dog back to the manager's office and gave her some water, while I searched the store looking for the derelict. I couldn't find the bastard, but finally he showed up and me and the store manager took the dog out to reunite them. I was all set to break his balls, but the dog, which was very frightened and happy as hell to see her owner, jumped up on him, her tail wagging. I wagged my finger at him and told him that he couldn't leave the dog here, unattended, but I simply couldn't fuck him up too much. I've rousted more hobos than a Union Pacific yard bull, but I couldn't do more than shake his hand and wish him a Merry Christmas. What the fuck?
Part 2. A jamoke who volunteers as a Santa Claus stopped by the store the same day to buy forty copies of Elf On a Shelf. Now, Elf On a Shelf is, according to most booksellers, the creepiest fucking piece of shit that ever came around. The whole thing is how parents put the elf, a 40 cent Chinese-made doll, around the house to keep an eye on the kids to make sure they are behaving themselves. Santa, who was paying his own money, bought just about all the Elves we had left in stock to take them to Marybridge Children's Hospital to give to the kids there. He said that the biggest issue with kids who were sick and spending time at the hospital worried about was that Santa wouldn't know where they were, and would pass them by. When he told me this my eyes suddenly grew wet, and I choked up with unexpected emotion. He said his plan was to put the Elf in every kid's hospital room, and he would tell the kids that the Elf would report back to him where the kids were, so they wouldn't miss out on Christmas.
This from an old guy who paid his own money. Me and Gunther helped him out to his sleigh with all the cheap Chinese elves. I still had tears in my eyes.
Merry Christmas, goddamn it.
--beefsupreme, commenting on his super rare Deep Blue wartche