Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

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Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by conjurer » December 17th 2013, 12:33am

Anybody who knows me knows that I'm an asshole. I try very hard in this respect, so I'm glad to wear the moniker. However, yesterday at work I witnessed a couple of Christmas miracles.

Part 1. I had noticed a bum taking up space in my store; he was sitting in the back of the store, using his Obama-Phone, and had his dog sleeping on his jacket on the floor. Since he wasn't bothering anybody, I let him be.

Later, it was called to my attention that the dog was wandering around my store by herself. The bum was nowhere to be found. We took the poor dog back to the manager's office and gave her some water, while I searched the store looking for the derelict. I couldn't find the bastard, but finally he showed up and me and the store manager took the dog out to reunite them. I was all set to break his balls, but the dog, which was very frightened and happy as hell to see her owner, jumped up on him, her tail wagging. I wagged my finger at him and told him that he couldn't leave the dog here, unattended, but I simply couldn't fuck him up too much. I've rousted more hobos than a Union Pacific yard bull, but I couldn't do more than shake his hand and wish him a Merry Christmas. What the fuck?

Part 2. A jamoke who volunteers as a Santa Claus stopped by the store the same day to buy forty copies of Elf On a Shelf. Now, Elf On a Shelf is, according to most booksellers, the creepiest fucking piece of shit that ever came around. The whole thing is how parents put the elf, a 40 cent Chinese-made doll, around the house to keep an eye on the kids to make sure they are behaving themselves. Santa, who was paying his own money, bought just about all the Elves we had left in stock to take them to Marybridge Children's Hospital to give to the kids there. He said that the biggest issue with kids who were sick and spending time at the hospital worried about was that Santa wouldn't know where they were, and would pass them by. When he told me this my eyes suddenly grew wet, and I choked up with unexpected emotion. He said his plan was to put the Elf in every kid's hospital room, and he would tell the kids that the Elf would report back to him where the kids were, so they wouldn't miss out on Christmas.

This from an old guy who paid his own money. Me and Gunther helped him out to his sleigh with all the cheap Chinese elves. I still had tears in my eyes.

Merry Christmas, goddamn it.
My little brain can't even comprehend how deep that is.

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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by Horse Feathers » December 17th 2013, 12:53am

Jebus, didn't we talk the other day about the creepy Elf on the Shelf stuff and all the stupid Duck Dynasty merch

Now I'm actually going to smile when I see those stupid Elves
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by biglove » December 17th 2013, 1:39am

Good for you, Conjurer. Despite what I do and the 110% I pour into the families and patients on hospice when I am on duty, I can be a bit hard hearted except when it comes to animals.

The homeless don't bother me so much as stupid people who are NOT mentally ill but who just suck. You know the kind...can work but won't, lazy, entitlement mentality, bitter, angry, dumb as a rock and could care less. They number in the thousands here and are of all races.

It is rare that one of them gets to me. When they do, I am invariably sleep deprived.

The folks of Whoville would be glad to know you have a heart!
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by gerdson » December 17th 2013, 1:41am

Now don't get all sentimental here... I am referring to this one :mrgreen: :
http://www.watchlords.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=22536&hilit=conjurer+asshole#p227848
The good news, dear conji, greatest ass of us all: It will all be over after Christmas, a feast sometimes bringing the strangest moods to us. Until then, keep on doing good deeds! :D
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by fatman » December 17th 2013, 7:08am

One more act of kindness like that and you will have your WL card revoked. It it's place you will get a warm and fuzzy biglove card. Wouldn't that be sweet?

As a refresher WL course.........

Kick the bum to the street and take the dog in yourself.
Direct the derelict Santa to the nearest Amish shop to buy Ahmercun made elves.

;)
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by Irag8er » December 17th 2013, 9:33am

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
Here, just makes me want to, in some small fucking way, make someone else’s life fucking better, even in the smallest of fucking ways.
Might even try one of these Acts of Goddamn Fucking Kindness before the New Fucking Year :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
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•Day 3: Be Kind to Animals
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•Day 5: Create Ripples of Smiles
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by TemerityB » December 17th 2013, 10:45am

As a chronic St. Jude's/Big Apple Circus contributor, I'll fess up and say you really got me with that second one.

Sick kids. Bang. I'm gone. Can't deal. Too much for me. Great notes, conj.

See what you're making me do, conj, ya bastid? Tonight, I'm going out toy shopping, bringing the wife. We don't have any kids, but we're buying Christmas presents for, well, who knows who.
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by Ofcmark » December 17th 2013, 11:41am

We just had are Shop with a Cop program for the needy kids in are area. It was strange to see people that you have had contact with during the year, and now you're helping their kids . All hard feelings get put aside. We had a great year each kid got $100.00 to spend on whatever they wanted. I have been involved with law enforcement since I was 21 years old (53 now) and kids, and animals still get to me. Great post John
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by Tzimisces » December 17th 2013, 6:02pm

My daughter is moving into a house with her fiance so we bought a new washer/dryer set so they can have our old ones. Inspired by Conjurer's Festivus Miracle, I do believe I will take the boxes to Richmond and "donate" them to one of the bums.
What would be the value so I can deduct it from my taxes?
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by biglove » December 17th 2013, 6:16pm

Tzimisces wrote:My daughter is moving into a house with her fiance so we bought a new washer/dryer set so they can have our old ones. Inspired by Conjurer's Festivus Miracle, I do believe I will take the boxes to Richmond and "donate" them to one of the bums.
What would be the value so I can deduct it from my taxes?


http://satruck.org/donation-value-guide/appliances
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by AJC » December 18th 2013, 9:05am

Mark1 wrote:Erect the Festivus pole, it's time for airing of grievences, and I got plenty of them.


It's already up at my place, I'll be sitting out the feats of strength this year because of my recent botched backeotomy, that's if Frank lets me.
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by koimaster » December 18th 2013, 9:20am

biglove wrote:
The homeless don't bother me so much as stupid people who are NOT mentally ill but who just suck. You know the kind...can work but won't, lazy, entitlement mentality, bitter, angry, dumb as a rock and could care less. They number in the thousands here and are of all races.




Shit! You must mean republicans! I hear they in-breed too. :)
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Re: Conjurer Gets His Heart Strings Tugged

Post by biglove » December 18th 2013, 12:46pm

koimaster wrote:
biglove wrote:
The homeless don't bother me so much as stupid people who are NOT mentally ill but who just suck. You know the kind...can work but won't, lazy, entitlement mentality, bitter, angry, dumb as a rock and could care less. They number in the thousands here and are of all races.




Shit! You must mean republicans! I hear they in-breed too. :)


Down here, those that fit this profile, are largely Democrats...
"I'll give you 5 bucks to spank me with a dead duck!"-Mike Rowe, Dirty Jobs
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