Watchlords

Five mintues looking at ShopHQ and it feels like my brain is turning into tapioca. I swear, this is real. I can't even write a decent line about how defeated you have to be in life to covet something like this. You get the day-glo watch, a dive case, and a flask and shot glasses so you, Morty, and Spanky Joe can toast to it behind the 7-Eleven.

how many did you order on value pays??

Cutting through all the bullshit, this is fucking shit. To all those unaffected by satire, do not buy this, because it is horseshit. It is shit. Do not fall for this.

That's my grail watch right there. And free swag.

Bet it would make all the Rolex wearing chubs jealous and shit. Bet people would grab my arm and stare at it like they was on that synthetic weed and was staring at the sun. Bet that would get me laid dozens of times; hundreds of times even.

That's the kind of watch that just screams success and conspicuous consumption. If I wore that watch people would think, "that man is important and going places."
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If I owned that one, captains of industry would seek my counsel, strangers would buy me lunch, the folks at the Ferrari dealership would be begging me to take the newest models out for extended test drives.

Should have told me about this deal three days ago................ fuck

I'm surprised they didn't include an Invicter branded douche bag.

Falstaff wrote: ↑

September 13th 2020, 9:26am

I'm surprised they didn't include an Invicter branded douche bag.

Unnecessary, since the collectors hoarders are douchebags already.

So, seriously, who ordered???

smellody wrote: ↑

September 13th 2020, 9:39am

So, seriously, who ordered???

Well, I ordered two watches this weekend. Not this POS but a Ball and a Hammy. Fuck Inshita.

biglove wrote: ↑

September 13th 2020, 11:05am

smellody wrote: ↑

September 13th 2020, 9:39am

So, seriously, who ordered???

Well, I ordered two watches this weekend. Not this POS but a Ball and a Hammy. Fuck Inshita.

A tastefully understated design which embraces elegance, subtlety, and craftsmanship in a delicately artful way...

But not with this piece of shit, no. Absolutely not. In fact, make it a double not.

It is, however, so very clever to market directly to an audience known to be glue-sniffing alcoholics.

Bet the watch smells like glue. “Smell my wrist!”