Watchlords

So last night I'm flippin' 'twixt innings of Astros-Nationals and this pops up on my screen:



This, for "those who know better," is the Invicter Sea Hunter ... 58mm (and 70mm across), 25 fucking mm thick, all on a 29mm bracelet.




As my eyeballs bulged out like Volkswagens, I noticed that Kornholing Kampfire and Invicta Lyin' were really careful not to show the side of the watch, which, to these eyes proves that this diamond-adorned sold-by-the-pound monstrosty is virtually unwearable. Seriously - I don't care if you're fucking Hulk Hogan, how can you actually wear this thing?





It's packing (supposedly) an SW500 and it's only 1500 smackers.



In typical ShopPU style, the shills raved about how comfortable it is, blah de fucking blah. The fucking crown protector is like 21 mm. Yeah, we'e had the mighty Hydromax, that day-glo thing about two months ago, all those other fucking hunks of tin, but in my IMHO nothing compares to this one, the new Lord God King of Clown Watches. The only question is who buys one first, the yellow-shirted simp or the valor thief.

Sweet, Jeebus. Maybe orthopedic surgeons are behind this shoulder dislocating trend?

It looks like a watch not even Liberace would wear.

Interestingly, I find this wartche (as totally fucking horrible as it is) as an outlier, and a stunningly surprising and intelligent form of marketing.

The WITs, as profoundly stupid as they are, will go thumbs down on this piece of shit; however, it will make them more comfortable buying (and perhaps even wearing) their Mighty Hydromaxes and Mid-Sized Sea-Cunters, because, in comparison, they're not as fucking horrible as this one.

Of course, there might be a few fan-bois terminally infected with Laloism who might actually buy this Ungodly Thing, and Watch Steve will nod knowingly, and Roadwarrior will post multiple gifs of Joan of Arc douching, and daycoo will post in very large font: nice looking watch, and thanks for sharing!! And Mr. Jingles, sitting at his PC in Haifa, furiously whipping off his flacid dick, will break our balls in Cuneiform.

Still doesn't beat the one that had the bracelet that looks like it was printed with Nancy and Sluggo cartoons

conjurer wrote: ↑

October 28th 2019, 10:04pm

Interestingly, I find this wartche (as totally fucking horrible as it is) as an outlier, and a stunningly surprising and intelligent form of marketing.

The WITs, as profoundly stupid as they are, will go thumbs down on this piece of shit; however, it will make them more comfortable buying (and perhaps even wearing) their Mighty Hydromaxes and Mid-Sized Sea-Cunters, because, in comparison, they're not as fucking horrible as this one.

Of course, there might be a few fan-bois terminally infected with Laloism who might actually buy this Ungodly Thing, and Watch Steve will nod knowingly, and Roadwarrior will post multiple gifs of Joan of Arc douching, and daycoo will post in very large font: nice looking watch, and thanks for sharing!! And Mr. Jingles, sitting at his PC in Haifa, furiously whipping off his flacid dick, will break our balls in Cuneiform.

Yes, he's a writer.

SCHAWEEEEET TYMEPEECE!!!!

foghorn wrote: ↑

October 29th 2019, 6:05am

SCHAWEEEEET TYMEPEECE!!!!

The only real mistake here was in the presentation; had the manly-wristed and horologically-gifted “Diamond Jim” still been on the job, they would be getting destroyed by the hundreds bouncing around the back of those dastardly UPS trucks by now.

Headache!

Magnificent triumph of the will! A must-have!
Gob-smacking, glitteringly, gorgeous!
FUCKING HATERS