Intro Post Template for New Fellows? - A Joke guys

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Falstaff
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Intro Post Template for New Fellows? - A Joke guys

Post by Falstaff » January 22nd 2013, 6:30pm

Since so many newcomers manage to fuck up their introductory posts leading to the tragically early demise of potentially useful members, I propose the following template for intro posts so as to minimize the chance of a shameful retreat back into the legions of the unenlightened and the added ignominy of a scarlet or orange surcoat:



Most noble and puissant lords Temporal, lords Founding, lords WIS, and lords Asshat, accept my humble gratitude for being translated into your lofty ranks. Though but of low birth and circumstance, I am this day elevated and ennobled by our dread Lord Koi and his ever-vigilant viceroy Lord Watchnoob. My zeal for matters horological shall, I swear an oath most holy, be ever kindled anew and my thirst for the vast knowledge possessed by our Order shall be ever unslaked. I vow here and now to be a boon companion, a fierce champion of Truth and a scourge to those who would our Brotherhood disparage.

I reside in the city of/town of/village of/hamlet of/crossroads, clearing in the forest, pigsty or hog wallow near (select one) _____________ (insert name of said location) in the country of ___________ (note: server will not accept Canada) where I practice the trade of ____________ (insert job title).

My modest assemblage of watches must surely pale before the majesty of those of my brother Lords, but I am most particularly proud of my __________ , my ______________ , and my ______________ (insert name and model of watches). I also have an interest in ______________ and ___________ , though they are currently above my modest means. I should like to learn a great deal more on the subjects of ___________ and __________ and beg of my fellow lords their time, expertise and gentle teaching.

Of matters personal, I have/haven't (select one) a wife/wives/girlfriend/husband/husbands/boyfriend/life companion/other (select as many as appropriate) and a/several (select one or both) children/pets (select one or both). I am also fond of ____________ and ____________ and especially enjoy ____________ in my spare time.

My heart's dearest desire is to be of value to our noble Order - to be brave, true and unflinching in service to our cause.

______________________________________________________________ (insert any additional remarks)

This day do I swear an oath eternal, ____________________ (insert username)



I think this should answer our intro post requirements splendidly.



^^^^^^^^^^^^

this is sarcasm :sarc:
Last edited by Falstaff on November 22nd 2013, 9:35pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Intro Post Template for New Fellows?

Post by jason_recliner » January 22nd 2013, 6:53pm

Great stuff Falstaff. To save noobs a bit of time I've modified your template somewhat:

My modest assemblage of watches must surely pale before the majesty of those of my brother Lords, but I am most particularly proud of my SubAqua Noma IV , my Renato Sporghenza, and my 17 Sturhling Originals. I also have an interest in giving Invikta Ryan or Daniel Green a reach-around, though they are currently above my modest means. I should like to learn a great deal more on the subjects of flame fussion and making sex and beg of my fellow lords their time, expertise and gentle teaching.

That should be fairly universal, suited to about 95% of the noobs who find their way here.
Last edited by Anonymous on January 22nd 2013, 7:00pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Intro Post Template for New Fellows?

Post by Falstaff » January 22nd 2013, 6:58pm

jason_recliner wrote:Great stuff Falstaff. To save noobs a bit of time I've modified your template somewhat:

My modest assemblage of watches must surely pale before the majesty of those of my brother Lords, but I am most particularly proud of my SubAqua Noma IV , my Renato Sporghenza, and my 17 Sturhling Originals. I also have an interest in giving Invikta Ryan or Daniel Greena reach-around, though they are currently above my modest means. I should like to learn a great deal more on the subjects of flame fussion and making sex and beg of my fellow lords their time, expertise and gentle teaching.

That should be fairly universal, suited to about 95% of the noobs who find their way here.


Certainly useful modifications. I neglected the entire subject of the deviant sexual practices widespread (widespread!) amongst the heathen.
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Re: Intro Post Template for New Fellows?

Post by Horse Feathers » January 22nd 2013, 9:28pm

Would it make sense to have the new member certify their expertise in Drywall/Plaster repair or have access to a licensed Contractor.

At the very least Watchlords should be indemnified for any damage (physical or emotional) directly caused by or slightly provoked by their fellow Lords for self-amusement

Edit: If they select (wife/wives/girlfriend) we require photos
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Re: Intro Post Template for New Fellows?

Post by conjurer » January 22nd 2013, 9:43pm

Horse Feathers wrote:Would it make sense to have the new member certify their expertise in Drywall/Plaster repair or have access to a licensed Contractor.

At the very least Watchlords should be indemnified for any damage (physical or emotional) directly caused by or slightly provoked by their fellow Lords for self-amusement

Edit: If they select (wife/wives/girlfriend) we require photos


Yup. Real Beaver-Hunt shit, too. Prospective new members with wives/girlfriends aged over 50 are exempt. Unless they're really hot. Video links to xHamster would be good, too.
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Re: Intro Post Template for New Fellows?

Post by bedlam » January 23rd 2013, 12:23am

That's just beautiful Falstaff and jason_recliner. It brought a tear to the eye and I am sure will bring the heathen into our fold in droves.

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Re: Intro Post Template for New Fellows?

Post by Wasp » January 23rd 2013, 8:29am

Kind Sirs.

Not being of your land my attempt at assimilation was fraught with error. For those I troubled, I ask thy leave. For those that I rent slight whim, I am pleased. A few days study of the Land of the Lords reveals much. Now…I am prepared to make an ass of myself in a respectful way. I attempt to present again under the guidelines of warrior Falstaff. If deemed non persona grata I will politely get on my horsee and ride out of here.



I reside in the village of Sandyston N.J. in the country of USA (note: server will not accept Canada where I practice the trade of Certified Systems Engineer .

My modest assemblage of watches must surely pale before the majesty of those of my brother Lords, but I am most particularly proud of my Seiko Kinetic Moon Phase, my Doxa, and my Rolex (insert name and model of watches). I also have an interest in Geo Politics,acerbic musings, auctions, fixing things.

Though they are currently above my modest means. I should like to learn a great deal more on the subjects of: horology, naturally, and THE TRUTH. Thus I beg of my fellow lords their time, expertise and gentle teaching.

Of matters personal.. I have one wiff, one daughter an attorney…..great. CA. Bar. I am also fond of The King Of Prussia, yea, that’s the name. and Sam Adams beer. I and especially enjoy Reading and Diving in my spare time.

Drywall patch don’t taste too bad.

Cheers

WASP
Last edited by Wasp on July 9th 2015, 5:07am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Intro Post Template for New Fellows?

Post by tomsimac » January 23rd 2013, 9:51am

Universal Ignore Button that exempts them only. Don’t let them know and they will post away happy in their little dens.
But they do add some fun at times. Why waste good retort.
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Last edited by Anonymous on January 23rd 2013, 9:56am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Saw a Wasp.
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Re: Intro Post Template for New Fellows?

Post by koimaster » April 21st 2015, 4:11pm

:bump:


I had forgotten we had this template on the forum. So the new guy did use something we put up for use. At least he looked around ahead of time. So I guess I own him an apology. So it is written, so it is done. :mrgreen:
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