Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

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Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by koimaster » February 4th 2011, 9:12am

So you've got a troll. Congratulations!! Once you've properly bonded with your troll, you may wonder:

•How do I care for my troll?
•Can my troll learn good manners?
•What should I feed my troll?


Well, don't worry! These and other questions about enjoying your new troll will be answered in this article. Read on!



What's a Troll?

A troll is a small, brutish creature with a loud, piercing howl. They tend to be found mostly around forums and some chatrooms, but they've been spotted once in awhile at Watchlords.

Contrary to popular belief, the troll is not an entirely aggressive species. When properly fed and socialized, most trolls are docile, fragile beings as long as they aren't overfed or startled.

Trolls tend to vary in size and stature, but one can usually spot a troll by a few identifying features. First, trolls are generally pale creatures with cramped fingers, which are often seen clenched up into little fists from hours of furious typing. Also note that the troll's teeth are dull, and their claws are typically benign.

The troll's aggressive reputation comes from it's ability to spout an acrid flaming venom, sometimes painful enough to send the troll's prey running away in tears. Though your troll's flaming venom can be potentially painful, it's generally harmless in small doses.

It is also important to note for the health of your troll that most trolls are terribly sensitive to light. It's best to gradually introduce your troll to sunshine. Too much light at once can provoke a troll to attack or run away. A few, more intelligent trolls may be receptive to your light, which is a good sign that a troll may be ready for advanced socialization from you.



Troll Feeding & Dietary Needs


It was once believed that a troll's diet consisted mainly of attention, but one should not forget that the troll will also seek out your frustration and annoyance for nourishment.

In truth, the proper portion of attention isn't bad for a troll, but feeding a troll with your irritation may result in aggression from your troll. Trolls have a naturally dull sense of humor, which is how they digest their meals. Feeding frustration to your troll will upset the troll's soft belly, and it could produce negative results. Don't give in no matter how much a troll begs for your frustration. Instead, always approach your troll with calm, assertive energy.

Understand that your troll gets its nourishment from the surrounding environment. Small, snack-sized portions of attention should be used only as rewards for your troll's good behavior. Never let your troll see you holding onto any frustration, or your troll may become aggressive.



Troll Intelligence


Though the troll is a social creature, it is important to realize that your troll can't actually understand much of what you say until after it has been properly socialized. Should you wish to communicate with your troll, start with small words in short sentences or phrases.

Some trolls are unable to understand anything very well even after many patient attempts. Don't feel bad; it's not your fault. Some trolls are born with naturally small brains, and medical science has yet to discover a way to correct this genetic flaw. With any luck, this trait will hopefully fade as the species evolves and adapts, allowing easier communication with future generations of trolls.



Troll Socialization & Training


Before you can train your troll, you must first understand some simple troll psychology. Trolls are easily provoked. Without patience, you may find it impossible to properly socialize your troll.

Begin with soft coos and gentle encouragement. Try telling your troll that you don't want any trouble, that you mean no harm. Don't overwhelm your troll with too many words. Let your troll try to communicate back to you. Indeed, many have discovered through this technique that their troll was not actually a troll. (It should be noted that it's common to mistake a person having a bad day for a troll.) If this is indeed a troll, expect some difficulty, but don't let the troll even smell your annoyance.

Over time, if you remain gentle and firm, you and your troll may come to understand each other. If your troll proves to be docile, you may begin training with your own techniques, following up with positive reinforcement of snack-sized attention, and remembering to avoid feeding your troll any frustration.

With patience, encouragement, and gradual sunshine, you and your troll may be set for a long and satisfying relationship without any fear of your troll attacking your friends or flaming your comments.



Troll Troubleshooting


If these tips fail to help your relationship with your troll blossom into a beautiful experience, don't fret! Though it may be difficult to accept, there is a humane alternative to dealing with a troll that has become too aggressive for its own good. Before you resort to this method, I hope that you will have tried all the other suggestions above.

Experts seem to agree that the best way to make a troll vanish is to ignore it. Depriving it of all attention and frustration will starve your troll, and it will usually move on in search of a better food source.

If your troll won't leave, report your troll. FAQ #238: How do I report people for abuse, harassment, or another issue I may think is a violation? It's best not to provoke your troll by announcing your plans. Just quietly file the report with a link to your troll's aggressive behavior, and the proper authorities will remove your troll from sight. Wash away any residual guilt or frustration with a nice piece of chocolate.



_____________________________________

Cyber Bullies: It should be noted that in rare cases a troll may evolve into a cyber bully, which is a species in its own classification with much sharper claws and hideous, jagged teeth. While trolls generally just want to get a rise out of you, cyber bullies can be a serious threat and should always be immediately reported. (See section on troubleshooting.) Examples of cyberbullie behavior include bragging about how big their watches are, how large the company they started is, their connections to so called Tv hosts and Brand Managers, telling you they never had problems with cheap watches so shut up and calling you a troll.
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Re: Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by Guest » February 4th 2011, 7:19pm

boscoe wrote:
eddiea wrote:Indeed a gem Image that been said...fuck trolls.


Never, ever fuck a troll. The unholy mating between a troll and a horologist creates:


:lizard:



ROFLMAO!!!
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Re: Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by CA Crew » July 13th 2011, 6:44pm

Raising my hand as guilty of most of the above, if not all, re: JtN. I apologize for the consequences for WL of breathing more life into him and am back to ignoring him.
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Re: Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by koimaster » July 14th 2011, 6:26am

Act like a troll on this forum and you get designated as one in bright orange which also matches many prison jump suit colors.
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With the lilt of Irish laughter

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Now forever and ever after."
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Re: Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by koimaster » April 24th 2012, 7:06am

Seattle wrote:Koi,
What are the color designations again?

See bottom of home page.



koimaster wrote:Act like a troll on this forum and you get designated as one in bright orange which also matches many prison jump suit colors.
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With the lilt of Irish laughter

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Now forever and ever after."
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Re: Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by Horse Feathers » December 31st 2012, 7:40pm

It enjoyable to have an occasional victim to feast upon but this latest wave has been a bust. Idiotic posts, no real defense and their attempts at humor are weak at best.

Clean baby clean !
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Re: Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by conjurer » December 31st 2012, 8:47pm

Horse Feathers wrote:It enjoyable to have an occasional victim to feast upon but this latest wave has been a bust. Idiotic posts, no real defense and their attempts at humor are weak at best.

Clean baby clean !


Quite so. Johny's been the only one with any balls, and he's either batshit crazy or a mean drunk. Possibly both.
I find tv watches to be like the guys who raise their truck you need a fricken ladder to get in. It’s a attempt to look cool... that’s all.

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Re: Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by koimaster » January 21st 2013, 7:41am

I want to point out that there are some here who act just as badly as do trolls such as Nismo, Viper or the watercooler crowd.

Being a member here does not allow you to become a troll or a bully. I just wanted to remind members of that.
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Now forever and ever after."
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Re: Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by conjurer » January 21st 2013, 7:47am

koimaster wrote:I want to point out that there are some here who act just as badly as do trolls such as Nismo, Viper or the watercooler crowd.

Being a member here does not allow you to become a troll or a bully. I just wanted to remind members of that.


Quite so. Also, it would be helpful if a member here recommends us to a pal lets us know ahead of time. For instance, if AJC were to recommend his pastor or priest to become a member here and let us know, I'd drop my "goddamn it!" from my welcome post out if respect. A little self-restraint would be good as well.
I find tv watches to be like the guys who raise their truck you need a fricken ladder to get in. It’s a attempt to look cool... that’s all.

--Hawkeye
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Re: Trolls: Proper Care & Feeding

Post by AJC » January 21st 2013, 6:57pm

conjurer wrote:
koimaster wrote:I want to point out that there are some here who act just as badly as do trolls such as Nismo, Viper or the watercooler crowd.

Being a member here does not allow you to become a troll or a bully. I just wanted to remind members of that.


Quite so. Also, it would be helpful if a member here recommends us to a pal lets us know ahead of time. For instance, if AJC were to recommend his pastor or priest to become a member here and let us know, I'd drop my "goddamn it!" from my welcome post out if respect. A little self-restraint would be good as well.


I can go to a church and try and convince whoever the guy is there that he should join, but I don't know how he would react to the first pineapple up the peehole.
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-ajc
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