conjurer wrote: ↑
October 7th 2019, 10:37pm
Shall we look into what's wrong with the mongoloid Russian cocksuckers? I think that we shall!
--They smell bad. This is true. They smell like the barnyard. Most Russian men smell like shit, because they can't wipe themselves properly (see next bullet point) because they're too fucking drunk. Most Russian women smell like a whorehouse at low tide.
--The Russians are all a bunch of degenerate alcoholics. Again, a true statement. For most Russkies, life goes like this: you're born prematurely, because your mother was a fucking drunk. You grow up in a shithouse, bullshit country, because the commies (now called "oligarchs") own every fucking thing, and their mentally retarded offspring will get all the good jobs, and you, as a mildly un-retarded normal guy, will get shit. So, what do you do? You drink like a fucking fish, and you die early, at, like, 48 years old. Or, a bullshit nuclear reactor in you neighborhood will melt the fuck down, and you'll die of radiation poisoning. Tough shit, comrade.
--The Russians like to dance on tables and shit. Very true. They dance on tables because they drink like fucking fish and listen to balalaika music and there's nothing else to do in their bullshit country but to dance on tables like a bunch of fucking homo goofs. The best outcome? They fall off the tables and break their fucking necks, which is a godsend, because that way they die young and not a bunch of fat fuckers painted with runny blue prison tats.
--They can't make a fucking watch. OK, so the Amphibia scuba guy isn't totally fucking bad. So fucking what? Let the watch unwind for a few days, and then try to wear it two weeks hence, and unless you're a lucky fuck like foggy, who's retired, you have to spend about six hours to reset the fucking date. Fuck that shit.
--All Russian men are bald and look like James Bond villains. Need I say more?
--Their porn is shit. Do I really have to rope the pony over some Kolyma slut with no teeth blowing an apparatchik, when I can polish the German helmet with Leah Gotti getting anal by a dago cocksman? I think not.
If I have left something important out here, please feel free to set me straight.
I appreciate you attention.
Yes, quite a few more things could be said...
-Russia has no middle class. A Russian has either all or fuck-all.
-Russian women are kind of pretty. Kind of, because you can rarely spot one that dresses well, and has a sense of style. For whatever reason they appear to believe that there's no such thing as an excess of cosmetic product and an excess of bling. Which, all in all, means that once they've cleared their husbands' accounts, they begin a slow transformation into a babushka
. Unless it's a big account, of course - then it's a transformation into a botox monster.
-They had perhaps the most underdeveloped military strategy of all time, until the AK-47 came around. Whatever you'd give them, they'd use it as if it was sticks and stones. Charge, za rodinu
, ouuuuch, blyat
, I've been killed. The Russian strategic thought was based on the concept of charge, all throughout modern history. As long as Russian mothers managed to give enough births, Mother Russia was never short on poor fuckers to send to a bayonet charge against Napoleon's troops, then against the British and French in Crimea, then against Germans and Austrians, and then against the Germans again. "The bullet is dumb, the bayonet's a brave fellow," Field Marshall Suvorov used to say. Though it's hard to say what was actually dumber, a bullet from a smoothbore musket, or Suvorov himself. Presumably the latter.
-Russian pianists deliver some of the best interpretations of Chopin's music. Perhaps because if you're always as economically fucked as they are, the emotions expressed in Chopin's polonaises and etudes are best fuelled with the single mournful thought about the worth of the rouble.
Seriously. Listen to Evgeniy Kissin performing any of Chopin's polonaises, and then try Pollini's interpretation of the same. Pollini just doesn't get it, and neither could any Italian. The Italians get way too much wine, good food and adultery to cough up the same feeling of sadness and despair in music as the Russkies can.
-When a Russian talks of freedom, he usually means bringing back the USSR or getting a new tsar. No difference, really - they always have a tsar. A crowned tsar, a Red tsar, or a Blancpain-wearing tsar...
-They haven't made a good car. Ever.
-With all the great Russian literature, it makes one wonder why the usual Russian seems to not have read a single book.
-You seriously don't want to run into Russian tourists. In terms of starting brawls, they're almost British, in being loud louts - more German than the Germans, in binge drinking - quite Polish, and in demolishing hotel rooms - certifiably Israeli.
- They have, at some point, made good watches. Pavel Bure's pocket watches were great, and the company held the title of the official supplier of the Imperial court. Not unlike other skilled craftsmen, he had to get the fuck out of Russia in 1917. Pretty much EVERYONE with brains or skills had to get the fuck out of Russia in 1917, or shortly after.
- A true post-Soviet Russian does not believe in craftsmanship. It doesn't have to be well-made, it doesn't have to be half-decent. It fucking has to shine like cojones del perro