Watchlords

I have a friend who owns one watch. The cheap black leather strap that came from the factory is still on it and looking rather worse for wear, and not in the charming patinated way. When it eventually disintegrates, he will likely ask his local department store to replace it with the exact same thing. It makes me sad every time I look at it. I mean, the man doesn’t even own a spring bar tool! I, on the other hand, love straps almost as much as I love watches, and I change them constantly. This is where companies like Singapore's Delugs come in, feeding my nearly insatiable appetite for variety with high-quality replacement straps. For this review, they gave me a set of four to wear and enjoy as I saw fit, and enjoy them, I did.

http://www.thetimebum.com/2020/01/delug ... traps.html

Why the fuck should I read about--or care--about some blogster writing about motherfucking watch straps? Fuck the Time Bum. He can eat a big can of Munster fucking cheese out of my fucking asshole with a big fucking spoon. Fuck that shit. Oh! sez the Bum, look the fuck at me! I'm reviewing some motherfucking watch straps! I'm so fucking important, because I'm a watch blogger! Everyone will shit their fucking pants and their tongues will hang out of their fucking sewer-like mouths because I wasted two hundred motherfucking words on some bullshit fucking overpriced fucking watch straps to hook onto the bullshit motherfucking microbrands that give me free wartchs and fucking T shirts and other bullshit motherfucking swag so I can spend two hundred fucking words on their fucking bullshit.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF TIME BUM:

The Time Bum walks in the door after a long day in the pit at Jiffy Lube

TIME BUM: Honey, I'm home! And, the UPS man left me some new Delugs watch straps to review!

MRS. TIME BUM: Fuck you.

TIME BUM: What's the matter, hon?

MRS. TIME BUM: I want a divorce, you cocksucking jerkoff. If you tell me one more time about how great Delugs fucking watchstraps are, I'll cave your fucking skull in with a fireplace poker, you cunt.

TIME BUM: Get me a Pabst, and make it snappy, you whore. And get dinner on the fucking table.

The Time Bum sits down in his easy chair, lights a Pall Mall, and Mrs. Time Bum walks up behind him and brings down a fireplace poker on his head, caving in his fucking skull

THE END.

You want a new watch strap? Order yourself a Di Modell, and fuck the rest of the fucking shit.

^^^a fine tale