Sponsored posts are more than common, but that faux-review shit is quite fucking distasteful, really.
Ahhh, what the fuck... The game's afoot
As I grow older, I become increasingly irritated by the actions of others.
I've always been irritated by the actions of others, and quite badly - which means that 25 years ago I was born at the age of 50.
After purchasing a newspaper and boarding a plane, there is nothing I find more irritating than a fellow passenger sitting next to me, looking over my shoulder and reading my broadsheet for free.
Got it. Fuck off.
Likewise, when travelling by train, trying to compose a romantic email to my wife, I feel an overwhelming sense of irritation when I catch sight of someone reading the screen of my laptop. Such actions are an invasion of my privacy.
Yeah, OK, Mr. Copywriter. May Ron Jeremy's massive lingam invade the privacy of your ear.
Now, Maurice Lacroix has conceived a watch that displays the prevailing time when required yet has an innate capacity to hide all indications from prying eyes. Put simply, this mechanical watch is designed to frustrate ‘cheapskates’ and ‘nosy parkers’.
Yeah, well, that thing was invented long ago. It's called the pocket watch. And if just the fact of it being a pocket watch isn't enough, get a hunter-case one.
And fuck off.
Both the hour and minute hands feature luminescent treatment and prominent counterweights.
Who cares, it's fugly as it is. I lay my prominent counterweight on it.
The hands convey meaning without any hint of ambiguity.
Hands? I need merely a finger - the middle one - of just one hand to convey meaning without a hint of ambiguity.
Its generous proportions exude masculinity.
Hey, I'm not overweight even by a kilo, it's just that my proportions exude masculinity.
Personally, I found the watch afforded impressive levels of wearer comfort with the bracelet flexibly encircling my wrist.
Doesn't this kind of writing make one want the anus to flexibly encircle a Cabriole table leg?
Maurice Lacroix has expended much effort on the case and bracelet, juxtaposing highly polished and satin brushed surfaces. It is challenging to keep each finish discrete with all of the intended lines perfectly defined, however, Maurice Lacroix has fulfilled the task with notable aplomb. I particularly like the slither of brightwork adorning the upper and lower edges of the case band and gracing the sides of the 5-rows stainless steel bracelet.
Why, this bucket of verbal spunk could put even the most avid of onanists to shame.
When Maurice Lacroix conceived the AIKON...
...he should have worn a condom.
The arms, once again, imbue the watch with a masculine persona and contribute to the model’s notably handsome aesthetics.
This wartche imbues me with nausea.
Appraising each facet of the case and bracelet with critical eyes and fingers, one is struck by the impressive construction of the Maurice Lacroix AIKON Mercury and its palpable quality.
Someone should treat Mr. Copywriter to the palpable quality of a punch right in the mug.
Indeed, this is a watch that looks capable of receiving a long service medal.
Mr. Copywriter, you are hereby awarded with the Grand Cross (with Pineapple and Cabriole Table Legs) of the Order of Bazinga, for extraordinary achievements in extraordinarily bad writing.
The brand’s Easy Strap Exchange system allows the wearer to readily remove the bracelet without need for tools and exchange it for one of the brand’s alligator leather straps. This facility is found on many AIKON models and having spoken to retailers, it is apparently very popular with purchasers who appreciate the versatility this confers.
But there already is an easy exchange system, it's called "spring bars."
The Calibre ML225 is comprised of a base movement and an in-house ‘developed and patented time memory module’. The automatic movement features 54 jewels and the lone barrel is capable of delivering up to 38 hours of autonomous operation.
The frequency of the balance is 28,800 VpH (4Hz) and the rate is adjusted with a curb-adjuster (raquette). The automatic device bridge and train wheel bridge are repeatedly embellished with the brand’s ‘M’ logo. Other surfaces of the base movement feature colimaçon decoration. Lastly, the movement features a hacking seconds, allowing the wearer to synchronise the watch with a reference clock.
This might just be the longest wank to a 2824/SW-200 that anyone ever wrote.
When Maurice Lacroix unveiled its mechanical AIKON models, I remember being impressed by the quality of the case, dial and bracelet ensemble. Each square millimetre exhibits a high degree of refinement. The interplay between satin brushed and polished surfaces enriches the aesthetic and imbues each model with a sumptuous character.
The interplay between the contents of my stomach are about to imbue the bucket with sumptuous character.
A wonderful sense of theatre
The Swiss marque has produced a very practical, wearable and competitive watch that proclaims the prevailing time with impressive lucidity. However, beyond its timekeeping duties, it delivers a wonderful sense of theatre and showcases Maurice Lacroix’s creative prowess while keeping ‘cheapskates’ and ‘nosy parkers’ at bay.
? This? After that, I reckon I might need some Gilbert & Sullivan. Proper theatre. Fuck off.