The Orphan Boy Who Created Rolex

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conjurer
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Re: The Orphan Boy Who Created Rolex

Post by conjurer » March 18th 2023, 10:51pm

smellody wrote:
March 18th 2023, 8:40pm
conjurer wrote:
March 18th 2023, 7:40pm
Hans Wilsdorf was, as a youngster, distressingly gender-fluid. True fact.
Fake news from the haters
Alas, all so true.

From Wilsdorf's four volume autobiography, Rolex Jubilee Vade Mecum, or, in English, Rolex Jubilee Where I Pound Things Up My Fundament, the young Hans describes how, in his early years, he pounded various items up his taut, apple-like backside:

I supposed I liked girls at my local gymnasium. but I also liked pounding things into my shit chute [Scheiße Rutsche]. Sometimes I did this as an adult, all the way from pool cues to nixie tubes, which were problematic, since they could easily shatter in my butt hole [Arschloch]. However, as a young boy, I often liked having things in my arse, and often said, "Rectum? Damn near killed him." [Rektum, hätte ihn fast umgebracht.].

However, once he came to adulthood, and particularly once he started Tudor, he realized that his distressing gender-fluidity might well cost him sales, Hans became dead butch:

I realized that becoming a pants pirate might be bad for sales, since many very butch people were buying my wartches [Uhrenches].
So, I started dating hot Italian female film stars, and rogering them in the butt [rogering sie in den Hintern]. To this day, I can't understand why the German language capitalizes words for the hindquarters [Arschloch].


THE END.
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