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Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 24th 2018, 6:04pm
by TemerityB
This is submitted just for yuks.

For Flea Market Season: Watch Brands Named After People Who Likely Don't Exist

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An Invicta SubAqua Noma III and the Mark Naimer that bettered it – the SAN III is long dead, but the Naimer keeps ticking away in The Sock Drawer Of Broken Dreams

Mark Naimer
Wize & Ope
S. Coifman (Check out their site for the biography of “Simon Coifman,” whose name comes up absolutely nowhere in any watch books ever published; I believe koi dug up info on this a few years back)
Andre-Dumont
Buech & Boilat (Old-timey brand revived by somebody – website for this “prestigous” brand lists no address or phone number, let alone a country)
Wo Fat Chin
Giani Ricci
Jean Claude
Nicolai Remy
Izax Valentino
Ben & Sons
Alessandra Olla
Louis Richard
Daniel Muller
Anno Dominii
Cabane de Zucca
Daniel Hechter
Jacob Jensen
Carl von Zeyten
Daniel Lericci
Constantin Weisz
Reginald
Christiano Domani
Christian Bonheur
Christin Lars
Carlo Monti
Daniel David
Bell & Boss
Smelts McGonigle

Okay, that last one is fake - much like the legends of these quality brands. Anyone else ever spot something laughably fake, either in status or name?

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 24th 2018, 6:19pm
by conjurer
Constantin Weisz!! The wartche of turd-burglers world wide!

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 24th 2018, 6:21pm
by foghorn
Don't forget the kickstarter crap the literally doesn't exist as they hold out hands for donations in the off chance that they might exist.



That , plus Jack Mason and Daniel Wellington. Betty Crocker too.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 24th 2018, 6:34pm
by conjurer
foghorn wrote:Don't forget the kickstarter crap the literally doesn't exist as they hold out hands for donations in the off chance that they might exist.



That , plus Jack Mason and Daniel Wellington. Betty Crocker too.


dan'l Wallington safed euroop Frum the boote of napollian GODAM it.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 24th 2018, 7:03pm
by TemerityB
foghorn wrote:Don't forget the kickstarter crap the literally doesn't exist as they hold out hands for donations in the off chance that they might exist.



That , plus Jack Mason and Daniel Wellington. Betty Crocker too.


Yes, Virginia, there is a Dan Henry.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 24th 2018, 7:37pm
by JAS1125
Wo Fat Chin?
McGarrett's arch enemy?

I'll buy one for that reason alone

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 24th 2018, 8:13pm
by conjurer
JAS1125 wrote:Wo Fat Chin?
McGarrett's arch enemy?

I'll buy one for that reason alone


There's, like, a billion Chinese! At least one of them must be named that.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 24th 2018, 8:28pm
by svaglic
Nicolet.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 24th 2018, 9:56pm
by artman
I met the owner of Jorg Gray watches a few years ago. He doesn't exist either.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 25th 2018, 8:03am
by TemerityB
artman wrote:I met the owner of Jorg Gray watches a few years ago. He doesn't exist either.


I had the feeling that was the case, too.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 25th 2018, 8:39am
by koimaster
Jean Marcel does not exist but the founder Jürgen Kuhn does

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 25th 2018, 8:47am
by foghorn
Unfortunarely,Daniel Mink does exist.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 25th 2018, 9:28am
by TemerityB
foghorn wrote:Unfortunarely,Daniel Mink does exist.


Unfortunately, so did Renaltoe.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 25th 2018, 9:49am
by JAS1125
As long as David Mermelstein is a real person, I can rest easy

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 25th 2018, 9:49pm
by TemerityB
JAS1125 wrote:As long as David Mermelstein is a real person, I can rest easy


:lol:

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Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 26th 2018, 5:07am
by artman
Is there a Richard LeGrand?

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 26th 2018, 5:13am
by foghorn
artman wrote:Is there a Richard LeGrand?




Yes-He's married to Betty Crocker.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 26th 2018, 8:23am
by MKTheVintageBloke
svaglic wrote:Nicolet.

Which Nicolet? Armand Nicolet? Charles Nicolet? Marc Nicolet? There was an entire Nicolet family, with their own holding based in Tramelan (although Marc Nicolet's trademarks were registered in Chaux-de-Fonds) since the 1870s...

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 26th 2018, 8:24am
by svaglic
MKTheVintageBloke wrote:
svaglic wrote:Nicolet.

Which Nicolet? Armand Nicolet? Charles Nicolet? Marc Nicolet? There was an entire Nicolet family, with their own holding based in Tramelan (although Marc Nicolet's trademarks were registered in Chaux-de-Fonds) since the 1870s...


Crotons Nicolet.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 26th 2018, 5:55pm
by TemerityB
svaglic wrote:
MKTheVintageBloke wrote:
svaglic wrote:Nicolet.

Which Nicolet? Armand Nicolet? Charles Nicolet? Marc Nicolet? There was an entire Nicolet family, with their own holding based in Tramelan (although Marc Nicolet's trademarks were registered in Chaux-de-Fonds) since the 1870s...


Croton's Nicolet.


Absolutely. I don't know when they started it, but TV-selling, mostly made-in-China brand Croton had/has an offshoot brand named "Nicolet" which Steven Jay and the other shills used to bring on with trumpets and horns as "high end" somehow. It was the height of the duck-and-cover period at ShopNBC, when sales were up and they'd use any wisp of faux prestige to dupe Grampa and Cledus out of $299 on six value payz.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 26th 2018, 7:08pm
by conjurer
TemerityB wrote:
svaglic wrote:
MKTheVintageBloke wrote:
svaglic wrote:Nicolet.

Which Nicolet? Armand Nicolet? Charles Nicolet? Marc Nicolet? There was an entire Nicolet family, with their own holding based in Tramelan (although Marc Nicolet's trademarks were registered in Chaux-de-Fonds) since the 1870s...


Croton's Nicolet.


Absolutely. I don't know when they started it, but TV-selling, mostly made-in-China brand Croton had/has an offshoot brand named "Nicolet" which Steven Jay and the other shills used to bring on with trumpets and horns as "high end" somehow. It was the height of the duck-and-cover period at ShopNBC, when sales were up and they'd use any wisp of faux prestige to dupe Grampa and Cledus out of $299 on six value payz.


Yup. To show how inbred these TeeVee wartche carnies really are, you can play a One Degree of Separation with just the Mephistophelean Steven Jay. At one point he was (supposedly) the North American bigshot and importer of Gevril watches, which he sold on the old ShopAtHome network with Tim Temple, after Jawbone got Temple fired at ShopNBC, which would later become Evine, and still remains the least-watched TV shopping network. After this, Jay got fired/resigned/whatever from Gevril, and ended up repping the Nicolet 1886 line for the Motherfucking Merm, as a "high end" line of Croton--or, at least, a line that didn't include seven watches in a set, sold together for $89.99 ("You don't have to choose a color. All you'll have to choose is how many sets you wanna buy!" brayed the Merm.) Honestly, the only time I saw the Nicolet 1886 line was at SAH; it was obviously a play on the old, established Swiss firm of Armand Nicolet. Most of the wartchs Jay hawked looked like Rolex DateJusts with a thyroid issue--they looked like Very Big Rolexes. I got one way back, I think for a hundred bucks; it was 40mm, and looked like a DateJust, apart from the fact that the gold plating was already flaking a couple months after delivery. They had Miyota 8215 movements, which weren't bad. After Nicolet 1886 went into the trashcan of TeeVee wartche history, Jay rebounded, apparently back with Gevril, which now sells on Urine, with a bunch of crappy designs that look like they washed out of the Merm's offices after Hurricane Sandy inundated them. And you can see Jay to this day, on Urine, selling a bunch of gray market, overstocked (and overpriced) Swiss fashion wartchs, and he doesn't look a day older, like the Merm himself, only thinner, and with an absurd beard that looks like he stole it from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.

Re: Watches That Don't Really Exist

Posted: May 26th 2018, 9:12pm
by Mark1
Lucien Piccard, probably.