Why is Armand Nicolet a Price Dumper?

Armand Nicolet & SWI
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MKTheVintageBloke
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Re: Why is Armand Nicolet a Price Dumper?

Post by MKTheVintageBloke » December 10th 2018, 7:59pm

If I may offer a possible explanation: it's because the glory days of Nicolet are gone, dead and buried.

The Nicolet family business used to be massive, with dozens and dozens of trademarks registered, each actually appearing on dials. They had it all covered, from simple dress and casual watches, through column wheel chronographs (with a Landeron 39 inside, usually) in steel and in solid gold, up to split-second chronographs. All the stuff in between - dive watches, sports watches - was also covered.

Then came the Quartz Crisis, then people thought "fuck mechanical stuff" , "fuck Nicolet", and "I'm buying a quartz Citizen/Seiko/Whatthefucknot." Then people's interest in mechanical stuff returned, mechanical stuff was no longer fucked, but Nicolet stayed fucked, and there we are, one last remnant of what used to be a massive holding, trying to pretend it's their heyday again, while it's still as fucked as it was, and as unwilling to invest in a good marketing department as it never was before.
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.
H.P. Lovecraft

I'd send them all an animated gif of Ron Jeremy sucking his own cock.
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Re: Why is Armand Nicolet a Price Dumper?

Post by MKTheVintageBloke » December 10th 2018, 10:22pm

tiktok wrote:Vintage Dude, send them your cv with a marketing teaser. It worked for me.

Hmmm, that's not a bad idea. Here's a draft of my job application:

"Dear Armand Nicolet Personnel Department,

I have no experience in the industry, although as an observant fellow and avid researcher, I amount to more than the sodding lot of You combined. Your inept marketing strategy is so unbearably annoying to my massive intellect, that I have decided to request a job at Your unworthy excuse of a company.

It is my firm belief that Your company is just as badly fucked as it was since the 1970s. While Your watches don't entirely blow, they often blow. You have resorted to faux-discounts in an Eyal Lalo manner in order to have Your wares sold at all. It is my considered opinion, that this blows, and since I am the only sentient being - for you seem to have mostly orangutans at Your marketing department - that can get Your company unfucked again, You, dear Sirs, should take my word as gospel, and You can only prove that you are not the pillocks I take You for simply by hiring me.

My requirements are as follows: a five-digit monthly payout to an account on Turks & Caicos, a crate of Wild Turkey and a crate of Dalwhinnie 15 y.o. every month, a glass, a constant supply of ice cubes and cigars, a perpetually horny female assistant, and a couch necessary for effectively performing my work in a horizontal position.

I await Your reply with growing impatience.

Yours truly,

MKTheVintage Bloke, Watch Lord and Master of Time, 1st Baron Foulmouth, WIS Know-It-All Extraordinaire, Knight of the Rectangular Desk and Earl of the Armchair"
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.
H.P. Lovecraft

I'd send them all an animated gif of Ron Jeremy sucking his own cock.
Conjurer, of people asking about their Doxas
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Re: Why is Armand Nicolet a Price Dumper?

Post by conjurer » December 11th 2018, 12:01am

MKTheVintageBloke wrote:
tiktok wrote:Vintage Dude, send them your cv with a marketing teaser. It worked for me.

Hmmm, that's not a bad idea. Here's a draft of my job application:

"Dear Armand Nicolet Personnel Department,

I have no experience in the industry, although as an observant fellow and avid researcher, I amount to more than the sodding lot of You combined. Your inept marketing strategy is so unbearably annoying to my massive intellect, that I have decided to request a job at Your unworthy excuse of a company.

It is my firm belief that Your company is just as badly fucked as it was since the 1970s. While Your watches don't entirely blow, they often blow. You have resorted to faux-discounts in an Eyal Lalo manner in order to have Your wares sold at all. It is my considered opinion, that this blows, and since I am the only sentient being - for you seem to have mostly orangutans at Your marketing department - that can get Your company unfucked again, You, dear Sirs, should take my word as gospel, and You can only prove that you are not the pillocks I take You for simply by hiring me.

My requirements are as follows: a five-digit monthly payout to an account on Turks & Caicos, a crate of Wild Turkey and a crate of Dalwhinnie 15 y.o. every month, a glass, a constant supply of ice cubes and cigars, a perpetually horny female assistant, and a couch necessary for effectively performing my work in a horizontal position.

I await Your reply with growing impatience.

Yours truly,

MKTheVintage Bloke, Watch Lord and Master of Time, 1st Baron Foulmouth, WIS Know-It-All Extraordinaire, Knight of the Rectangular Desk and Earl of the Armchair"


I'd give you a job from this cv, you cocksucker.
Cream rises to the top while jackoffs only leave puddles of rancid jizz.


--Temerity, regarding Bazinga!.
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