- Master of Time
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Thank Jove for that minute of hiatus. Less vomit-inducing stuff to read.Hey guys, Ben here. It's been a minute, I know.
Oh, fuck, no.But I wanted to take a second today...
A change from bad to bad ain't a change to good....to share with you some changes – I believe all for the better – to how HODINKEE handles something that is near and dear to my heart, and the hearts of many of my colleagues here, and certainly you, our readers – vintage watches.
Alas.Vintage watches are at the very core of this company.
Spending on what someone has pre-authenticated isn't tantamount to having an eye. Besides, what schooling? In being absolutely oblivious to the shit that he's been letting pass through the hands of his muppets at the Shop, right into the hands of unsuspecting moron customers?They were, after my grandfather's Omega, my first love in mechanical watches, and in many ways, it was the schooling I learned studying vintage watches by myself for those many years that taught me to have the eye that I do in all forms of collecting.
More like a skid row for those who can't be bothered to learn on their own, and are dumb enough to think that anyone else will do their research and verification for them....the thing I am most proud of after 12 years of HODINKEE has little to do with the watches themselves, and entirely to do with the home that we've helped build for now millions of people just like us.
Why do I not think that that's the case?And having said that, I want you to know that each and every one of these changes we're announcing today is a direct result of listening to you, our dear community.
In advance, I shall require another bucket, the first one's almost full.So what's happening here? Let's get into it.
Only if you really know what to look for and what to observe in what you see.What You See Is What You Get
Fuck, no.More vintage watches...
...said the KGB agent to the frosted glass manufacturer....more transparency...
...because it doesn't hurt to have some more arsewipe, does it?...more feedback
That far ago? Who would have thought, that'd make four years of them fleecing, and me crusading.When we launched our online vintage watches program in 2016...
"by having them replaced with problems of our own design."...we wanted to solve the problems of the day...
Well, that didn't stop you from hyping that sodding lot of 'em every Friday, did it?dealers requiring you to contact them to inquire about a price, or make a purchase.
Well, fuck, that'd be about right, only you're guilty as hell on both of these charges. Oh my. The next thing you're gonna see is Putin giving a lecture on the virtues of democracy and human rights.People glossing over what was wrong with watches with tricky verbiage. And frankly, a lack of accountability.
No, all you've done is taught them how to lie more efficiently. It's a bit like with that children's bedtime story, "The Boy Who Cried 'Wolf!' " If you lie and lie all the time, eventually no one's gonna believe you. And if you're stoked on lying, perhaps best not use the same lie twice.We think we helped push the entire market to be more descriptive and more honest about what a vintage watch really is
On stating only the obvious? Apparently that feedback's worth as much as those giving it. Zilch....and our "Things To Love" and "Things To Know" on each individual piece – a frank, honest assessment of the good and the bad of each watch – is still something we receive amazing feedback on.
Yeah, well, the usual lot haven't exactly been doing a good job so far.We've Expanded Our Team
Yeah, so much so that it gave me material for - wait for it - 38 rounds of shelling their "exploits." These charlatans and copywriters have let more than enough redials, frankens, and lemons in poor shape make it to the hands of unsuspecting idiots, all with the Donkey Guarantee.Since 2016, we've hired more photographers, writers, and experts to help build out the vintage department even further.
As I can recall, he wrote a shitload of unreadable reviews. How's that for amazing?Now helmed by the amazing Logan Baker (ex-WatchTime)
Dunno who the feller is. Ex-Christie's could mean that he did some meaningful work there, but it could well mean that he did their PR or copywriting. Or just got dumped by a broad called Christie, and so he's Christie's no longer.Brandon Frazin (ex-Christie's)
Oh, so the fellow served Romain Rea, the king of top-coin sales of forgeries. Nice.Saori Omura (ex-Antiquorum)
Really?...you couldn't ask for a better team to ensure the highest quality of watches, storytelling, and service.
I don't think so. Let's look at something recent...The amount of vetting that every watch goes through by Brandon and Saori is downright remarkable...
https://shop.hodinkee.com/collections/v ... 0848681035
If it isn't obvious or there's no extract of the archives to be ordered, they just don't bother to do any research on the movement.
They also didn't bother to get photographs of the case back and movement of this Speedmaster...
https://shop.hodinkee.com/collections/v ... 0879770699
...while as per their description of the watch, including the movement serial, they did have it opened.
Oh, that's funny, isn't it? Another guarantee. Exactly what were the Donkey guarantees worth so far?and everything we sell is backed completely by us.
"It worked, and now it doesn't!"You'll never be left in the wind should something go wrong. Which, by the way, it can, because these are weird old watches!
"What you see is what you get, pal."
The rusty, unserviced shit that was on many occasions sold by the Donkey Shop is pretty fucking far from OK.And that's OK.
His repetitive preaching about "happiness" sounds almost cult-like.If something does go wrong, we want you to know our team is behind you, and quite frankly, our entire job is to make you happy. You'll see even more of that to come soon.
Ehhhh... Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more...With our expanded team, we've decided to up the quantity and quality of the watches we'll be offering for sale online.
Great Scott, their customers really must like getting fucked where the sun don't shine.We're doing this because we've listened to you, and the demand is there. In fact, one of the complaints we hear most often is "I want to buy a vintage watch from you, but by the time I get to the shop each Wednesday, they're all sold out." That sucks, and trust us, it's not by design.
What level of vetting is that exactly? Or, to be precise, what vetting at all?But with the level of detail we go into for each piece, it wasn't possible to bring any more watches to market with the level of vetting we insist on.
Well, that'd mean that Bring a Brain is far from over.Now, with our expanded team, we can. So there will be more watches with greater variety than ever.
I doubt that. You've had your Donkey boys trying to defend the shit they were responsible for, and BaB left them deep-fried. Brasserie Bring a Brain recommends menu du jour - roast pillock.We Want To Hear From You
Obviously.Oh, and on the transparency thing. We know you guys have thoughts. Lots of them. On everything.
Quite obviously.And we know you love to get 'em out into the world.
Yeah, well, I'll stick to my usual gin joints, 'cause you lot are waterin' the booze down.So starting today, every time we drop some vintage watches for sale, the comments are on, baby.
Need some Butthurt Balm?The goal here is not to allow a platform for bickering or snide remarks, an inevitability of literally all digital platforms across the world, but rather to engage in meaningful dialogue that pushes the conversation and scholarship of watches forward.
Have Mr. Pennington do that, 'cause I'd just love something to give a damn good thrashing to, like I did with that rubbish Glycine Airman claims in his piece on sterile watches from Kroesen's.With the expanded assortment of vintage watches each week, our team of editors will likewise be working on some more vintage-heavy content for you. We know the types of stories you love, and you're gonna be getting a lot of them.
Whaddaya know, I might, though I ain't buyin' what you're sellin', but I'd love to give it a proper walloping.Oh, and don't think because we're upping the game on vintage that anything will change on the modern side of the house. We have some incredible things coming to you very soon. I'd pay close attention to this space on October 27 if I were you …
Well...I've got the heavy artillery on standby. Who knows, maybe Bring a Brain won't be necessary. A part of me wishes it wasn't, part of me just wants and needs a good reason to write another one. Wanna hit the 40 instalments mark. Don't disappoint me.
Mr. Bloke out.
Elim Garak, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
No good deed ever goes unpunished.
Rule of Acquisition no.285