- Master of Time
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Hello and welcome to the 31st instalment of Bring a Brain - your favourite watchdog/comedy series! In this instalment, as always we'll look at some listings, and why are they no good at all. Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more![...]The game's afoot! Follow your spirit, and upon this charge... This is your Bring a Brain!
Let us start by rounding up the Usual Suspects, on the charge of mindlessly hyping what they didn't even care to research. Here's the most recent edition of the column to which BaB owes its name:
There is one watch that I'd like you all to have a look at - the 34mm Doxa. Let's see what Mr. Wingold has to say about it:
While browsing the website of a Los Angeles dealer, I came across a Doxa fitted inside an attractively unconventional case, that won't entirely break the bank.
In fact, dear Isaac, it will, because this watch isn't worth a fifth of the asking price.
Usually, this tier of vintage Doxa is admittedly rather uninteresting, and not something I'd bat an eye at...
Well, that's good. Your striking ignorance leaves more for us, folks who weren't born with a silver spoon in hand, and who - as Tennessee Ernie Ford had it - load sixteen tons, and all that you get is another day older and deeper in debt. Snob.
The "fancy" style lugs on its 34mm stainless steel case...
I'm sorry, stainless steel? It doesn't exactly take a genius to observe that it is NOT a stainless steel case. My dear fellow, you've just hyped a chrome-plated watch as full steel, which is pretty much the same as hyping gold plated as solid gold. This is absolutely unacceptable. What is also unacceptable, is that you have people take your word on the veracity of listings that you feature, and you don't even bother to do the slightest bit of research, apparently. Edges of the lugs - visible brassing. The steel case back is of a completely different colour than the rest of the case, what does that tell us? Tells us that these two parts are made from entirely different materials, that's what it tells us, although the brassing should have caught your attention in the first place.
Still, let's have a look at the original listing for this watch:
34mm, oversized? Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
No movement pics, and there as well goes the lie about the case being stainless steel. Well, the lie has been exposed, as was your lack of integrity. Goodbye, and good riddance. Oh, and Wannabuyawatch, welcome to Bring a Brain! You're up for some hard time here.
Speaking of that, why not get to it at once?
And what do you know, another one with a misidentified case material!
The watch is chrome plated (does STAINLESS STEEL BACK mean anything to you? It bloody should!), and with incorrect hands.
And now, a no-name 29mm watch being sold for 550 bucks.
Swell! No movement ID, no movement shots, nothing. Oh, and Google Translate's your friend - "etanche" is French for "waterproof."
Next up...another Doxa!
This time, they claim it to be from the 1930s. Well...Wrong again! Dates to 1946.
Now, this Minerva:
"Patina dial?" Iron (III) oxide isn't exactly patina. By Jove, what a rusty barnacle...
A Longines "waffle dial":
Judging by the condition of it, someone has tried to eat this waffle, because it looks chewed. The case looks like a Cape Cod cloth nightmare.
A Zenith Sporto...
...which according to Wannabuyawatch is powered by a cal. 125-6. What if I told you, that no such movement has ever existed? Could be a 126-6, and probably is.
"Drastically aged silver dial." Yes, that's some very rare and coveted Vomit Patina right there.
Oh, and who'd like an Omega with a "nicely restored" dial?
This one has me especially cross, as I abhor child labour, and that dial looks restored with a ballpoint pen by a 10-y.o. kid.
And another redial...
Why, thank you, Wannabuyawatch, you've just made LA put Bombay to shame.
Now, let's jump to a dealer, who in many ways does not belong in Bring a Brain - Bulang and Sons. Don't get me wrong - if a watch needs servicing, they have it serviced, and they usually have really good photos, pretty much always including a movement shot. Yes, they fleece on certain types of watches, and yes, they do the Calatrava Houdini, which has my blood boil. Still, if I were to buy a vintage Rolex, chances are high that I would buy one from them. Still, they had a few listings, which by all means should - and thus did - make it to this Bring a Brain.
First, this Certina:
I'm really not quite sure what to make of it. What I know for certain, is that the dial is wrong. That logo simply wasn't around until ca.1960. By extension, the watch cannot be from the 1940s. With a completely unsigned movement and no Certina markings on the case, hell knows if this even is a Certina. Of course, the case and movement look 1940s alright, but that dial is utterly out of place here. My take on this one would be that it's a franken - it's a Certina dial installed on what's likely not a Certina at all.
And then there's this Record...
...which is simply a redial with completely wrong, fantasy font. Also, note the misaligned minute track.
I have a certain degree of respect for B&S. Well, I don't detest them, that's the bottom line. That said, it's not like the dealer themselves is as bad as, say, Theo and Harris or the Hodinkee Shop. Nope. It is with a heavy heart that I include B&S in this instalment, but given these two egregious flops, I had to, as I really wouldn't want someone to get duped into buying these lemons.
That's all for this instalment of Bring a Brain. Take care, and as always, Bring a Brain will return if necessary!
I'd send them all an animated gif of Ron Jeremy sucking his own cock.
Conjurer, of people asking about their Doxas