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MKTheVintageBloke
- Master of Time
- Posts: 3792
- Joined: December 7th 2016, 2:47pm
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The Donkeys Bray "Bazinga!"
That's a new one. The Donkeys have quite a bit of clients, for whom they spread their buttocks write advertorials. Most of them are the big players in the market. This time, it's not one of them. This time, they bray in praise of an upstart microbrand watch, which - on top of that - is of the sort I would have expected Bazinga! to write about. The watch in question is Bazinga!-esque beyond measure... You might want to wear some eye protection, unless you wish this thing to give you eye cancer.
https://www.hodinkee.com/articles/the-ianos-avyssos
You will land up with a "steampunk" pile of shite.
Alas, that he did.
Yaaaaawn....os indeed.
Naming a watch after a sleazy, two-faced twit doesn't exactly suggest a reliable product, no?
Yeah, well, hipsters obsessed with model names they don't understand would buy it even if it was called the Malakas.
How so? Looks pretty fuck-useless to me, and I don't even dive.
Yes, they make it uniquely bad.
No, the overall effect is useless.
Thank you, Captain Obvious, I have a pair of decently functioning eyes.
Clever visual element? "Clever" by what standards? You can't even time an event in seconds with this thing, and yet you went with the load of bollocks about it being "a proper dive timer." A crucial component of a dive watch is the seconds hand, which not only tells us if the watch is indeed running.
Good, but boring.
Yes, this tiny movement, void of any attempts at decent finshing, fucking around in the middle of an absolutely massive case is so exciting a sight, that it makes me spunk even before I've got the hard-on. Peseux/ETA 7001, an uncommon movement? What the fuck?
Yes, it is so unique that I might order two more table legs from Cabrioles R Us.
It ain't one.
So had Baron Munchhausen.
No.
And all of that load of bollocks comes from a guy who's supposedly a pro diver. I may vomit.
https://www.hodinkee.com/articles/the-ianos-avyssos
But what if you look back, way back, well before the first dive watches, or even the invention of scuba, for inspiration?
You will land up with a "steampunk" pile of shite.
That’s exactly what Jacob Hatzidimitriou, the founder of Ianos Watches, did to come up with his first diver: the Avyssos.
Alas, that he did.
The name “Ianos” (YAWN-os)...
Yaaaaawn....os indeed.
...translates to “Janus,” who was the ancient god of, among other things, time.
Naming a watch after a sleazy, two-faced twit doesn't exactly suggest a reliable product, no?
“Avyssos” translates to our English word “abyss.”
Yeah, well, hipsters obsessed with model names they don't understand would buy it even if it was called the Malakas.
And true to its name, this watch is a proper dive timer.
How so? Looks pretty fuck-useless to me, and I don't even dive.
But it’s the numerous details that separate the Avyssos apart from the legions of other dive watches out there.
Yes, they make it uniquely bad.
The bezel is brushed steel, with scalloped edges and engraved numerals and five-minute hashes. Despite the smooth scallops, the bezel is easy to grasp since it overhangs the sides of the case, being the widest part of the watch. The overall effect is nostalgic without referencing any specific historical diver.
No, the overall effect is useless.
Numerals are large and looping, while the five-minute markers are oblong.
Thank you, Captain Obvious, I have a pair of decently functioning eyes.
Similarly referential is the running indicator at 6:00. Lacking a sweep seconds hand, this functions as a means of telling if the watch is indeed running, a crucial component of a dive watch. The alternating white and colored arcs move behind the aperture on the dial. While the lack of a sweep hand doesn’t allow for accurately setting the watch, or timing decompression stops, the tradeoff is a clever visual element that actually references the Antikythera mechanism, that had a similarly prominent rotating disc.
Clever visual element? "Clever" by what standards? You can't even time an event in seconds with this thing, and yet you went with the load of bollocks about it being "a proper dive timer." A crucial component of a dive watch is the seconds hand, which not only tells us if the watch is indeed running.
The Avyssos runs a hand-winding ETA 7001 movement, with no date.
Good, but boring.
Surely, the ETA 7001 is not a beautifully decorated movement, but I still enjoyed seeing the bridges, winding gears, and big balance wheel of this uncommon movement.
Yes, this tiny movement, void of any attempts at decent finshing, fucking around in the middle of an absolutely massive case is so exciting a sight, that it makes me spunk even before I've got the hard-on. Peseux/ETA 7001, an uncommon movement? What the fuck?
The Avyssos is a refreshing watch, so unique from the largely derivative field of divers out there
Yes, it is so unique that I might order two more table legs from Cabrioles R Us.
I like watches with good back stories
It ain't one.
...and this one, despite being a new brand, has a rich one.
So had Baron Munchhausen.
For of all the “vintage” and “retro-inspired” dive watches out there, the Ianos Avyssos manages to be the most retro of them all
No.
And all of that load of bollocks comes from a guy who's supposedly a pro diver. I may vomit.
Last edited by MKTheVintageBloke on February 8th 2019, 8:34pm, edited 1 time in total.
I always hope for the best. Experience, unfortunately, has taught me to expect the worst.
Elim Garak, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
No good deed ever goes unpunished.
Rule of Acquisition no.285
Elim Garak, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
No good deed ever goes unpunished.
Rule of Acquisition no.285
2023 3flushes Media.^^^
