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I have to tell my daughter that her cat - updated.

Posted: April 1st 2014, 4:30pm
by koimaster
Kris is as close to a mother to Kitty as you can be. Found in winter 2007 abandoned in the snow and rescued by us.

In the last year Kris spent a lot of money on Kitty and her health issues including almost 3k in the last month. I was told by the kitty radiologist this afternoon she may have a week or so to live. I write this as I am trying to figure out how to tell Kris that he beloved kitty is going to die.


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Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 4:51pm
by abduksion
That's a tough one, On one hand your daughter is old enough to know not everyone or everything lives forever. I would treat her to a nice dinner than when the time's right say your cat only has a week to live, but wait until tomorrow since it is Aprils Fools day she may think your joking.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 4:55pm
by Horse Feathers
abduksion wrote:....but wait until tomorrow since it is Aprils Fools day she may think your joking.


:shock: :shock: :shock:

Koi, no easy way to say it. Let her know in person ASAP

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 5:02pm
by svaglic
Telling her soon will allow her to capitalize on the time. It will break your heart to see your daughter in pain, but she is probably going to need to lean on you.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 5:34pm
by conjurer
svaglic wrote:Telling her soon will allow her to capitalize on the time. It will break your heart to see your daughter in pain, but she is probably going to need to lean on you.


This.

Me and Mrs. C have had to have several cats put down, and it hurts like hell to do, but being a good pet owner requires one to do what's right for the animal.

That's a fine looking cat, too. A lot of personality there.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 5:42pm
by abduksion
Horse Feathers wrote:
abduksion wrote:....but wait until tomorrow since it is Aprils Fools day she may think your joking.


:shock: :shock: :shock:

Koi, no easy way to say it. Let her know in person ASAP


What I meant was some people would take it as oh lol good one type of response. If someone told me I only had week to live on Aprils fools day I would be like yeah right you got me there laughing. But that's just me. Everyone takes news differently.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 6:09pm
by arubalou
its always hard to explain something like this.pets really become part of the family and its hard when they get sick or terminal cause they cant really tell us whats going on. is kitty in pain or discomfort? if so you might want to consider having her euthanized as a humane intervention. your daughter looks old enough to accept whats going to happen with kitty

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 6:13pm
by Ofcmark
Koi
There is no easy way to tell her, but to come right out and tell her. If she is as close to Kitty as is shown in the photos in her heart she already knows its time. I had a ten month old Rottweiler puppy diagnosed with Renal Dysplasia that was fatal. He was in pain on and off the Vet told me straight out and I had to make the decision to put him down before the pain became worse. Like Conj said “It hurts like hell to do, but being a good pet owner requires one to do what's right for the animal.” My heart goes out to you and Kris for your loss

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 7:18pm
by Dr.Morningwood
I agree with Ofcmark above. I had a dog for 17 years, from age of 6 to 23.

Both my older Sister and Brother had already moved away from home and my Dad came with me to the Vet. The Vet wouldn't make the call, BUT he told me the dog had multiple tumors, stopped eating, and his quality of life was not going to get better.

I kinda took the hint and had to make the decision. Man it was tough to say goodbye, even as I type this 29 years later, my eyes well up.

I know how ever you handle it will be the right way.

She looks a lot like our cat, Maggie. Right down to the little pink nose.

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Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 8:30pm
by Don Barzini
Not cats, but dogs - I've had to tell my daughter when she was 18; I've had to tell her when she was 8. There are no magic words, just the truth said gently with compassion. I knew with my daughter she was going to feel pain, she was going to hurt, she was going to cry. I wanted to avoid all that and protect her but it can't be done. We want to shield them no matter how old(young) they are, but we have to trust them with the truth, let them know we are there to listen - and then JUST listen, and never, ever try to fix them or make it okay.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 8:38pm
by AlbertaTime
Koi, I'm sincerely sorry for all three of you. I have no idea what "the right way" is. All I know is what I was told that helped me, and it was that every pet brings lots and lots of joy, and one very bad day. almost no exceptions.

And it may be soppy, but the Rainbow Bridge story actually helped.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 8:52pm
by TemerityB
Pets. Non-pet owners never seem to understand what they mean to those of us who have them. I don't care if it makes people think I'm a softie, either mentally or otherwise - my pets are so utterly important to me. My current dog, now 13, is one of the best things in my life, and I really cherish every day with her as she ages. I care so much for her that I miss her before her demise, if that makes any sense.

Sounds like a tough go with this cat, koi, so all the best to you, your daughter, and the feline during this rough time. Nothing that can be written can really help; nothing serves as a buffer for the pain. Just know you helped provide an innocent, deserving creature with a great life. You guys rescued a living creature.

How cool is that.

As for breaking the news to your daughter, well...all I can give is personal experience: My wife and I had a dog that I first found out had cancer and we really had to put the dog down; it was spreading fast and the quality of life was becoming zilch. So I was the brave soldier, carrying out everything kind of systematically, and then attended the moment when the dog was put down with my wife as well. I was as strong as I could be ... until I got home and it was all over. After that i was a freakin' waste product for weeks. But, I guess, my only advice is to be the brave soldier until the sad work is all through. Hope the advice might help a little.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 9:36pm
by hcharles
Losing any pet is difficult. They accept us unconditionally. Tell your daughter the truth, but say the kitty is really sick, and there is no making the kitty any better. It's best to let the vet put her to sleep, and the cat won't hurt anymore. Good luck.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 1st 2014, 11:26pm
by biglove
Am so sorry to hear that your daughter's kitty is so ill. Certainly, let her know in person and in a private place so she can begin to grieve. Your daughter has a chance to spend some final time with the kitty before the end. I am sure that is something she will be grateful for.

Sadly I have had to tell my own kids of several of our dogs and cats dying. I have far more experience telling others that their humans are dying so I can best relate to that experience.

I have always, at home and at work, been very straightforward with people about the end of life of the ones they love, including pets, even telling my own mother she had less than three months to live. Said with compassion and love, even such difficult news is usually better received than most imagine. And I find that too many professionals gloss over and add to time remaining. If anything, I advocate being more stingy with estimating time left. Far better to expect three weeks and to get six weeks than to expect three months and have but a few days. I deal with this daily and people always say, "why weren't the people before you honest with me?"

It hurts and it sucks to tell folks that someone, even a pet, they love is going to die soon. Hang in there!

Will say a little prayer for your family now and remember you guys in my thoughts these next few days.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 2:32am
by Jamesbee
Too bad Alain, but the others who say the sooner the better are right. I had to do this when a rabbit my wife was very attached to was given 10 days to live. I did it at the first opportunity and it was hard, but she had time to get ready and begin grieving even before the event, which helped her I think.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 2:44am
by gerdson
Dang. I have no advice to offer, other than agreeing to the rest - don't wait. There is no "good way" of breaking such news anyways. Maybe don't do it via the phone, if You don't have to.
We had to put down two dogs last year, and it still hurts whenever I think about the last few hours we spent with them, after taking the final decision.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 7:28am
by Britboy
Never a good time to tell anyone that news. Better sooner rather than later.
Tears welling up here and its hard to swallow, (if that makes me a pussy, then so be it) I have had to have some of my pets put to sleep and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
Spend the last remaining time holding, hugging, petting and just enjoying the closeness you have.
My heart goes out to you and your family.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 8:09am
by jonnybardo
Not much to say that hasn't been already said but wanted to add my condolences.

Britboy, a "pussy" is someone who is unwilling to feel sadness or grief so straps on the matcho thing - so you're not a pussy in my book, or if you are then its a good thing!

What's the saying, better to have loved and lost than not loved at all? Tennyson I think.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 12:11pm
by Falstaff
No easy way to do it. You cry, your daughter cries. Better (for you and her) that Kitty is at home with those who love her and where she feels safe and comfortable when the time comes than at the vet's. See if your vet is willing to come to your house if you decide to euthanize her. Ours is.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 3:20pm
by 3Flushes
I know you know what to say and all that; sorry you have to. The last little guy I had to deal with got cancer at 18. There's not an easy way.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 3:25pm
by koimaster
Kris took off today to take care of Kitty. I think she already knows and is questioning what she could have done better. Nothing to be done, the cat has cancer that is aggressive. I found Kris crying in her car at the vets today. Kitty was getting her feeding tube dressed but Kris is grieving right now.

Our vet will come out if it comes to that. When I was forced to Put Woodrow, my 14 year old newfoundland down last June, they came out. Just tough to live with. Shadow was 18 and she died of cancer last year, she was Carol's kitty, Woodrow and now Kitty, all in 12 months.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 5:14pm
by jb182
We have spent several thousand on my avatar and when it came down to it, there never was any question about spending the money.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 7:27pm
by TimeBeing
So sorry to hear about Kris' kitty! It's heartbreaking when a beloved animal dies...part of us goes with it! As a Chaplain in Pediatrics in an ICU, I found how healing animals can be for children and families. When we talked about their cat or dog, the children always managed to light up and smile, no matter what they were going through. I heard a story once, of a 6 year old who had to have his cat put down. The vet is said to have asked, "I'm sorry your kitty had to go so soon." The child responded without hesitation, "It's ok, I know she was sent to teach me how to love and when she knew Ioved her, too, her job on earth was completed." I always liked this story. Prayers for Kris and your family on the loss of both your beloved cats. Peace.

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 8:10pm
by gregl515
I'll say a prayer and think of you, Kris and Kitty

Re: So I have to tell my daughter that her cat is going to d

Posted: April 2nd 2014, 9:37pm
by hcharles
Nice post TimeBeing.