Bell's Original - short review

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MKTheVintageBloke
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Bell's Original - short review

Post by MKTheVintageBloke » November 14th 2018, 6:48pm

Just today, I've got my hands on yet another bottle of yet another whisky. This time, it was somewhat random. Just another blended Scotch. Something called Bell's.

Before opening the bottle, I've read some reviews. It seems like people usually consider this one a "love it or hate it" sort of Scotch. Some seemed to present it as a little Vietnam - muddy water seasoned with napalm. Some called it a good, mellow blend. The truth must be somewhere in between, as it usually is, I thought.

Now, it's a blended Scotch. I don't exactly feel like throwing some ice in it is polluting it. Ice makes the chaos of a blended somewhat more civilized. A blended Scotch is, de facto, usually a chaos of various notes. There's the good chaos, as if you'd have given a pianist some cocaine, and told him to play Chopin's Polonaise Op.53. Then there's the bad chaos, like if you'd have given a string quartet (of mediocre talent) some cocaine, and told them to play anything by Haendl - and Haendl's music is pretty dreadful. And this? This was on the decent side of chaos.

Threw three ice cubes in the glass, poured a shot of Bell's in, moved the glass about for a while, took a sip. Napalm? A swamp? Nothing of that sort. This was the Wild Turkey sort of mellow. A pinch of wood and saltiness, guess that's oak casks. Right. Says right on the bottle, oak casks. Good. Sweet-ish smell, sweet-ish taste, but still of the savoury kind. Maybe with a pinch of smoke... Right, but where's that napalm, where's that fucking petrol with detergents? Ummm, nowhere. Just smoke, not petroleum and motor oil fumes straight out of a Wartburg engine - for those not in the know, the Wartburgs, hailing from East Krautland, had engines with "internal lubrication", this meaning you'd pour motor oil and fuel into the same tank, which means you'd be better off never having to stand or drive behind that thing.

It wasn't Wild Turkey sort of good, though. No, falls behind WT. I miss the spicy notes of WT here. But this doesn't mean that it sucks cock, because it doesn't. Good enough for an evening sipping? Good enough.

To quote a certain film, there's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good Scotch. If someone would spill this one right in front of me... Well, maybe I wouldn't consider it worth reaching for the cue stick and starting a pub brawl over the incident, but it really doesn't miss a lot of qualities that would have just caused said brawl to happen.

You know what? I might just pour myself another one.
You cannot explain away a wantonly immoral act, because you think that it is connected to some higher purpose.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation
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