I Found The Merm

watches under $1000
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TemerityB
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I Found The Merm

Post by TemerityB » April 13th 2016, 7:52am

Think you can't fall any further off the radar than Evine ... than HSN ... or that place where Wilsie hawks junk jewelry?

Nope. Unfortunately for The Merm ... well, you'll see.

http://theshops.tv/jewelry?cat=17#/page/1
Last edited by TemerityB on April 13th 2016, 12:19pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Funny how things that start spontaneously end that way. Eat a peach." - Neil Young
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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by JAS1125 » April 13th 2016, 8:35am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byHekRKOY3s[/youtube]

In my mind, I'd like to think the Merm told Evine to shove it up their collective asses....but that's probably not what happened
"Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance"

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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by JAS1125 » April 13th 2016, 10:43am

conjurer wrote:I believe the Motherfucking Merm's wearing the special 55 inch adjustable belt, too.


Who was it that got their panties in a bunch over that? Someone who went to his warehouse, but I forget who.....
"Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance"

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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by conjurer » April 13th 2016, 10:51am

JAS1125 wrote:
conjurer wrote:I believe the Motherfucking Merm's wearing the special 55 inch adjustable belt, too.


Who was it that got their panties in a bunch over that? Someone who went to his warehouse, but I forget who.....


I used this amusing and kindhearted joke over at WIT; I can't recall who it pissed off, but somebody got bent out of shape and posted some pictures of the Very Fine Adustable Bents they had bought from the Merm. Granted, I believe I had already referred to Nvicters as "cheap" and "vulgar."
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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by JAS1125 » April 13th 2016, 11:36am

conjurer wrote:
JAS1125 wrote:
conjurer wrote:I believe the Motherfucking Merm's wearing the special 55 inch adjustable belt, too.


Who was it that got their panties in a bunch over that? Someone who went to his warehouse, but I forget who.....


I used this amusing and kindhearted joke over at WIT; I can't recall who it pissed off, but somebody got bent out of shape and posted some pictures of the Very Fine Adustable Bents they had bought from the Merm. Granted, I believe I had already referred to Nvicters as "cheap" and "vulgar."


Now I remember....thanks John.
Was it Pacerguy?
"Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance"

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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by TemerityB » April 13th 2016, 12:13pm

JAS1125 wrote:
conjurer wrote:
JAS1125 wrote:
conjurer wrote:I believe the Motherfucking Merm's wearing the special 55 inch adjustable belt, too.


Who was it that got their panties in a bunch over that? Someone who went to his warehouse, but I forget who.....


I used this amusing and kindhearted joke over at WIT; I can't recall who it pissed off, but somebody got bent out of shape and posted some pictures of the Very Fine Adustable Bents they had bought from the Merm. Granted, I believe I had already referred to Nvicters as "cheap" and "vulgar."


Now I remember....thanks John.
Was it Pacerguy?


I remember that - of COURSE it was pacerguy, whose wardrobe is the garment equivalent of urine on a men's room floor. On a site populated by dolts, the man is Lord God King of Uncritical Thinking.

By the by: Every Croton watch on that page has its own individual video featuring the Merm; one of 'em has someone who worked for Slop for a moment or two (that amazingly named Shawn Diddy). Bless the Merm; he even goes into his "Ladies and gentlemen!" spiel on one of them.
Last edited by TemerityB on April 13th 2016, 12:47pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Funny how things that start spontaneously end that way. Eat a peach." - Neil Young
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abduksion

Re: I Found The Merm

Post by abduksion » April 13th 2016, 2:20pm

Off Topic I'm just surprise Lalow hasn't asked Pacerguy to be their spokesperson
and to model Nvicter clothes yet? I mean wasn't there a time when
Nvicter made hats, shirts, etc? And whatever to their pen collection?
Anyone remember those or what about the footballs? Frisbee's? Now
back on topic I own a White on White Ceramic Men's Croton dress watch
not bad for $100.00 only thing I hate wish it came on a ceramic bracelet
rather then a white leather strap.
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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by TemerityB » April 15th 2016, 6:03pm

abduksion wrote:Did anyone notice the similar Nobel Watch Logo to the Edox?


I hadn't noticed that, but you're right; there's certainly a similarity. Reminds me of a knockoff watch I saw in the window of a clip joint in Manhattan: "Bell & Boss."
"Funny how things that start spontaneously end that way. Eat a peach." - Neil Young
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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by abduksion » April 15th 2016, 7:07pm

TemerityB wrote:
abduksion wrote:Did anyone notice the similar Nobel Watch Logo to the Edox?


I hadn't noticed that, but you're right; there's certainly a similarity. Reminds me of a knockoff watch I saw in the window of a clip joint in Manhattan: "Bell & Boss."


Noting surprise me anymore. Here I am wearing my Edox and I notice
a cheap Chinese brand with a similar logo.
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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by Falstaff » April 15th 2016, 9:40pm

TemerityB wrote:
JAS1125 wrote:
conjurer wrote:
JAS1125 wrote:
conjurer wrote:I believe the Motherfucking Merm's wearing the special 55 inch adjustable belt, too.


Who was it that got their panties in a bunch over that? Someone who went to his warehouse, but I forget who.....


I used this amusing and kindhearted joke over at WIT; I can't recall who it pissed off, but somebody got bent out of shape and posted some pictures of the Very Fine Adustable Bents they had bought from the Merm. Granted, I believe I had already referred to Nvicters as "cheap" and "vulgar."


Now I remember....thanks John.
Was it Pacerguy?


I remember that - of COURSE it was pacerguy, whose wardrobe is the garment equivalent of urine on a men's room floor. On a site populated by dolts, the man is Lord God King of Uncritical Thinking.

By the by: Every Croton watch on that page has its own individual video featuring the Merm; one of 'em has someone who worked for Slop for a moment or two (that amazingly named Shawn Diddy). Bless the Merm; he even goes into his "Ladies and gentlemen!" spiel on one of them.



However it's but a pale shadow of the Merm in his glory days. No fire, no showmanship, no chutzpah. Poor old The Merm, I do believe his heart's gone out of it. Another unsung victim of Sandy. I'm a little surprised there hasn't been an incident of "Greek um, Jewish Lightning" at the warehouse - only, of course, if he were properly insured.
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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by conjurer » April 15th 2016, 11:12pm

Falstaff wrote:
TemerityB wrote:
JAS1125 wrote:
conjurer wrote:
JAS1125 wrote:
conjurer wrote:I believe the Motherfucking Merm's wearing the special 55 inch adjustable belt, too.


Who was it that got their panties in a bunch over that? Someone who went to his warehouse, but I forget who.....


I used this amusing and kindhearted joke over at WIT; I can't recall who it pissed off, but somebody got bent out of shape and posted some pictures of the Very Fine Adustable Bents they had bought from the Merm. Granted, I believe I had already referred to Nvicters as "cheap" and "vulgar."


Now I remember....thanks John.
Was it Pacerguy?


I remember that - of COURSE it was pacerguy, whose wardrobe is the garment equivalent of urine on a men's room floor. On a site populated by dolts, the man is Lord God King of Uncritical Thinking.

By the by: Every Croton watch on that page has its own individual video featuring the Merm; one of 'em has someone who worked for Slop for a moment or two (that amazingly named Shawn Diddy). Bless the Merm; he even goes into his "Ladies and gentlemen!" spiel on one of them.



However it's but a pale shadow of the Merm in his glory days. No fire, no showmanship, no chutzpah. Poor old The Merm, I do believe his heart's gone out of it. Another unsung victim of Sandy. I'm a little surprised there hasn't been an incident of "Greek um, Jewish Lightning" at the warehouse - only, of course, if he were properly insured.


Quite so. The old Merm would sit there, gaping like a landed halibut, staring off-screen at the units sold; one could almost hear the old-fashioned adding machine banging away in his oversized head. The old Motherfucking Merm could sell sand to the Arabs--it didn't matter if it was a chum-covered shark on the dial or a 55 inch belt.

However, just seeing the Merm still in the game, still selling rancid shit to the rubes, is like Edmond O'Brien in the role of Sykes in The Wild Bunch saying, "It ain't like it used to be; but it'll do."
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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by TemerityB » August 25th 2018, 9:46pm

Well, at least these days, The Merm does indeed show up on Blovine from time to time, hawking his incredibly cheesy Chinese-made line of what now appears to be about 80 percent women's watches with former WOW hostess Megan Harris, who certainly looks the type who wouldn't be caught dead wearing one of those blinged-out mega-cheap crystal-laded monstrosities. The current Croton line is a miracle - it's the first line of watches I have ever seen that looks like they couldn't possibly keep time. I'm being dead serious - The Merm is now reduced to hawking watches that look like dollar stores wouldn't sell them because of the lack of quality.

I mean, check out the stuff on Evine's page under "Croton." Even Ali Baba would hold his nose. Here's something I never thought I'd express: Today's Croton makes Invicta look like H. Moser.
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Re: I Found The Merm

Post by conjurer » August 25th 2018, 10:37pm

TemerityB wrote:Well, at least these days, The Merm does indeed show up on Blovine from time to time, hawking his incredibly cheesy Chinese-made line of what now appears to be about 80 percent women's watches with former WOW hostess Megan Harris, who certainly looks the type who wouldn't be caught dead wearing one of those blinged-out mega-cheap crystal-laded monstrosities. The current Croton line is a miracle - it's the first line of watches I have ever seen that looks like they couldn't possibly keep time. I'm being dead serious - The Merm is now reduced to hawking watches that look like dollar stores wouldn't sell them because of the lack of quality.

I mean, check out the stuff on Evine's page under "Croton." Even Ali Baba would hold his nose. Here's something I never thought I'd express: Today's Croton makes Invicta look like H. Moser.


Why, you goddamn rascal, you! Who do you think you are, bad-mouthing me, me! David Mermelstein. The Motherfucking Merm. Never the Merm, goddamn you!!

And so what if I have a bunch of hopped-up Chinamen making my watches? I pay them good wages for the Orient, the yellow bastards. So what if they smoke it up in their opium pipes? What do I care? Not a fucking bit, you goyim bastards!

Just to show you that Made in America is a big deal with the Motherfucking Merm, not too long ago the schleps at Shinola came sucking around to my Bronx HQ; they wanted to "revive the brand," the fucking schlemeals. So they say, "David, we need some bling on our Runwells, you know, to jack up the sales. The whole 'Made in Detroit' scam is getting, you know, pretty thin." So I say, "Well, you cocksuckers, today's your lucky day. All you need to do is put a shark on the dial, with blood and shit coming out of it's mouth, and you can't lose. Jaws was the biggest movie ever!" And these milktoast dicks look at me, wearing their neckbeards and skinny jeans, and they say, "David, David, Jaws was like, fifty fucking years ago! The fuck we're going to put a fucking shark on the Runwell?" So I say to the bastards, "You seen 'Shark week' on the fucking cable? They got sharks flying around in helicopters, shitting hand grenades on Kevin Sorbo, you dicks!"

So what if we couldn't come to a fucking deal. Now you can buy Shinola watches at TJ Maxx. You see any seven-piece women's sets there from Croton? I think fucking not.

--David Mermelstein.
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