Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

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Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by Falstaff » May 20th 2014, 1:40pm

Hard times is cum, alas, tu stately Falstaff Manner. I am teerfully cumpelled to offur fer sayle sum of my most pryzed Tymepeeces to chayse off The Wuff howelling at the Dor. This wil bee a sayle of Unpresidented Purporshins and innovativ Execushin. In a upcumming poast I wil expatiate upon my tayle of Whoa, the terrible circumcision circumstancis of my Fall frum Grayce and lay out the turms of The Sayle. Stay tunned.
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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by conjurer » May 20th 2014, 2:16pm

sorry Two here abut ewe Trowbles fall-Staff. i'd Wood bea Arthur happy two Bye somme of ewer Wartches butt i Mite half to move Somme farrats over Hear 1st.
I find tv watches to be like the guys who raise their truck you need a fricken ladder to get in. It’s a attempt to look cool... that’s all.

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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by TemerityB » May 20th 2014, 2:22pm

Mister Staffal,

Eye iss luuking forwerd two yore offerlings. I lyke 'em BIG, mebbe ewe well cell yer wartches bie thee lbs.

Box O' Mistery! Eye lyke thee zound off thayt! Eyem evern lettin my BFFFFGFWGGT pall, 6oMMUnderUp, no aboot awl thiz!
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Updayte!

Post by Falstaff » May 20th 2014, 7:50pm

As promist, hear is my tail of Whoa, Mizery and Despondints - viz and to wit: Sir John Falstaffs Fall from Grayce. A munth or so ago I was happilee purched on my favrit Barstooll down at Injun Suzies Browneye - a frindly Saloon faymed amongst we lokal decayed Gentry for its reesonible pryces, the qwality of the hooch and free lunch. I was alternayting mezcal shotts and Sazeraks with the Lord Lieutenant of the County and injoying the free lunch - balled eggs, mushmellers, Sardinians, and pigges feat. When in walks my beluvvid onlee remaning chile - my dawter Evangeline, 7 yeers of age. I razed my chin frum the bartopp to greet her. She had teers in her iiis and with a trimble in her childesh Voyce sed the follerin - mama beggs you too cum hoam now, yuve bin in this hear saloon for a solid weak. Wee have no fude upon the taybel nor kole for the far an wee are hungree and kold as you hav sold all are coates for drinkin munny! Daddy don't you remember that jus las weak my baby bruther Little Jonny was lade to his Eternal Reste from starvin and perishin of the kold? - berried in potters feeld rapt only in a thredbear handkerchee? She tuk aholt of my hand and commenced to try to tug and pull me tord the swingin dors. But I still had nearly a full Sazerak and they was still sum pigges feat in the jar so I pushed her aweigh and She stumbeled into the Lord Lieutenant of the County and inadvertently nocked his Sazerak from his hand and spilt his hooch. The Lord Lieutenant is a fine felloe but a meen drunk and rared back and hurled his now sadlee impty shott-glass at her striking her sqware upon the timple. She dropped like a stone and lay sinceless on the sawdust. I shed a teer at that terrible site and wunce I finished my drink and the rest of the pigges feat and a funnee story about a feller frum Nantuckit, I gathered her into my arms and carried her all-butt-lifeliss body hoam to Stateley Falstaff Manner. Her Muther, my deer wyfe, let out with a horrabel skreem upon seeing her onlee remaning chile in such a stayte. She has bin bereft of her sinces ever sense and wanders about Stateley Falstaff Manner skreeming and bilding small fars in the korners and clayming she is the Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanoff. She is cleerly barking madd. Speeking of barking, wunce she come too, littel Evangeline seamed little the wurse for ware - until She commenced to barking and howelling at the Mune. Wunce she starts howelling my faythfull coon-houndes Sandra Dee, Cher and Jeb Stuart all jines in at the same tyme and the rackit is mor than a sivilized man of good tayste cud bare. Herein lyes the krux of my distresse wartch sayle - but mor about that in a minit. Just yesterday littel Evangeline cawt a sqwurl - I am proud too say, but it was a horriffic site what with awl the growlin and sqwurl fur flyin about and of corse she eight awl butt the hed. I try to cuntroll my Dispare at the sad decrepitude of my wunce noble fambly and name, butt evin Strong Drink no longer qwells my Sorrow. Even now teers blind my iiis and my hand shakes uncuntrollllllllibly upon the kee-broad. I must stop now and prey for that dreemliss sleepe that "nits upp the ravilled sleave of Care". I will poast further sumwhat layter as to the fine tymepeeces offered for sale and the interesting turms thereof. Forgive me, bruther Lords - and stay tunned.
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Re: Updayte!

Post by conjurer » May 20th 2014, 10:22pm

Falstaff wrote:As promist, hear is my tail of Whoa, Mizery and Despondints - viz and to wit: Sir John Falstaffs Fall from Grayce. A munth or so ago I was happilee purched on my favrit Barstooll down at Injun Suzies Browneye - a frindly Saloon faymed amongst we lokal decayed Gentry for its reesonible pryces, the qwality of the hooch and free lunch. I was alternayting mezcal shotts and Sazeraks with the Lord Lieutenant of the County and injoying the free lunch - balled eggs, mushmellers, Sardinians, and pigges feat. When in walks my beluvvid onlee remaning chile - my dawter Evangeline, 7 yeers of age. I razed my chin frum the bartopp to greet her. She had teers in her iiis and with a trimble in her childesh Voyce sed the follerin - mama beggs you too cum hoam now, yuve bin in this hear saloon for a solid weak. Wee have no fude upon the taybel nor kole for the far an wee are hungree and kold as you hav sold all are coates for drinkin munny! Daddy don't you remember that jus las weak my baby bruther Little Jonny was lade to his Eternal Reste from starvin and perishin of the kold? - berried in potters feeld rapt only in a thredbear handkerchee? She tuk aholt of my hand and commenced to try to tug and pull me tord the swingin dors. But I still had nearly a full Sazerak and they was still sum pigges feat in the jar so I pushed her aweigh and She stumbeled into the Lord Lieutenant of the County and inadvertently nocked his Sazerak from his hand and spilt his hooch. The Lord Lieutenant is a fine felloe but a meen drunk and rared back and hurled his now sadlee impty shott-glass at her striking her sqware upon the timple. She dropped like a stone and lay sinceless on the sawdust. I shed a teer at that terrible site and wunce I finished my drink and the rest of the pigges feat and a funnee story about a feller frum Nantuckit, I gathered her into my arms and carried her all-butt-lifeliss body hoam to Stateley Falstaff Manner. Her Muther, my deer wyfe, let out with a horrabel skreem upon seeing her onlee remaning chile in such a stayte. She has bin bereft of her sinces ever sense and wanders about Stateley Falstaff Manner skreeming and bilding small fars in the korners and clayming she is the Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanoff. She is cleerly barking madd. Speeking of barking, wunce she come too, littel Evangeline seamed little the wurse for ware - until She commenced to barking and howelling at the Mune. Wunce she starts howelling my faythfull coon-houndes Sandra Dee, Cher and Jeb Stuart all jines in at the same tyme and the rackit is mor than a sivilized man of good tayste cud bare. Herein lyes the krux of my distresse wartch sayle - but mor about that in a minit. Just yesterday littel Evangeline cawt a sqwurl - I am proud too say, but it was a horriffic site what with awl the growlin and sqwurl fur flyin about and of corse she eight awl butt the hed. I try to cuntroll my Dispare at the sad decrepitude of my wunce noble fambly and name, butt evin Strong Drink no longer qwells my Sorrow. Even now teers blind my iiis and my hand shakes uncuntrollllllllibly upon the kee-broad. I must stop now and prey for that dreemliss sleepe that "nits upp the ravilled sleave of Care". I will poast further sumwhat layter as to the fine tymepeeces offered for sale and the interesting turms thereof. Forgive me, bruther Lords - and stay tunned.


dayum. Fuk.
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Re: Updayte!

Post by ocean » May 21st 2014, 12:27pm

conjurer wrote:
Falstaff wrote:As promist, hear is my tail of Whoa, Mizery and Despondints - viz and to wit: Sir John Falstaffs Fall from Grayce. A munth or so ago I was happilee purched on my favrit Barstooll down at Injun Suzies Browneye - a frindly Saloon faymed amongst we lokal decayed Gentry for its reesonible pryces, the qwality of the hooch and free lunch. I was alternayting mezcal shotts and Sazeraks with the Lord Lieutenant of the County and injoying the free lunch - balled eggs, mushmellers, Sardinians, and pigges feat. When in walks my beluvvid onlee remaning chile - my dawter Evangeline, 7 yeers of age. I razed my chin frum the bartopp to greet her. She had teers in her iiis and with a trimble in her childesh Voyce sed the follerin - mama beggs you too cum hoam now, yuve bin in this hear saloon for a solid weak. Wee have no fude upon the taybel nor kole for the far an wee are hungree and kold as you hav sold all are coates for drinkin munny! Daddy don't you remember that jus las weak my baby bruther Little Jonny was lade to his Eternal Reste from starvin and perishin of the kold? - berried in potters feeld rapt only in a thredbear handkerchee? She tuk aholt of my hand and commenced to try to tug and pull me tord the swingin dors. But I still had nearly a full Sazerak and they was still sum pigges feat in the jar so I pushed her aweigh and She stumbeled into the Lord Lieutenant of the County and inadvertently nocked his Sazerak from his hand and spilt his hooch. The Lord Lieutenant is a fine felloe but a meen drunk and rared back and hurled his now sadlee impty shott-glass at her striking her sqware upon the timple. She dropped like a stone and lay sinceless on the sawdust. I shed a teer at that terrible site and wunce I finished my drink and the rest of the pigges feat and a funnee story about a feller frum Nantuckit, I gathered her into my arms and carried her all-butt-lifeliss body hoam to Stateley Falstaff Manner. Her Muther, my deer wyfe, let out with a horrabel skreem upon seeing her onlee remaning chile in such a stayte. She has bin bereft of her sinces ever sense and wanders about Stateley Falstaff Manner skreeming and bilding small fars in the korners and clayming she is the Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanoff. She is cleerly barking madd. Speeking of barking, wunce she come too, littel Evangeline seamed little the wurse for ware - until She commenced to barking and howelling at the Mune. Wunce she starts howelling my faythfull coon-houndes Sandra Dee, Cher and Jeb Stuart all jines in at the same tyme and the rackit is mor than a sivilized man of good tayste cud bare. Herein lyes the krux of my distresse wartch sayle - but mor about that in a minit. Just yesterday littel Evangeline cawt a sqwurl - I am proud too say, but it was a horriffic site what with awl the growlin and sqwurl fur flyin about and of corse she eight awl butt the hed. I try to cuntroll my Dispare at the sad decrepitude of my wunce noble fambly and name, butt evin Strong Drink no longer qwells my Sorrow. Even now teers blind my iiis and my hand shakes uncuntrollllllllibly upon the kee-broad. I must stop now and prey for that dreemliss sleepe that "nits upp the ravilled sleave of Care". I will poast further sumwhat layter as to the fine tymepeeces offered for sale and the interesting turms thereof. Forgive me, bruther Lords - and stay tunned.


dayum. Fuk.

+1
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UPDAYTE #2!!!!

Post by Falstaff » May 22nd 2014, 7:59pm

To cumpleete my Tail of Whoa: What with Evangeline howelling and growelling and barking at the Mune (altho she has started sleaping under the frunt porche of Staytely Falstaff Manner with the dawgs, she has cum down with a turrble Case of Flees - it is piteous to sea Her skratchin and whining) and my faythful coon-hounds a-jining inn and my beluvvid Wyfe, Lady Falstaff skreeming and settin fars and hollerin for Rasputin, I caint heer the SHHQWP wartch showz on the televidium box goddamit. I caint tell if Tim Tipple is sayin the fones is on far or what injun is in Tudays Topp Valu!!! I caint heer if Jail Summersquatch is sayin its a buoyfrend wartch or bundled at the mulekuler level!! I aslo caint heer if Invicter Rian is tellin me how the wartch-dail was applied or weather it will fit up to that 12 inch rist size!!! And I caint tell whut the littel engelish feller says anyhow!!! I need to git sum a them stereofrantic eer-fones to shut out all the caterwallin and ruckis but they are xpinsive and I have drunk up all the reddy munny and can get no mor Credit on my Good Nayme. Staytely Falstaff Manner is mortgaugead to the hilt and the tinant farmurs refuse too pay mor taxis so I am inn Dyre Strates hear and have alreddy mist severil ours of wartch presintashins frum bein unable to HEER THEM GODDAMIT!!! Thus I have sadly maid the decishin to offur some of my preshis tymepeeces for sayle!!!

Sum of these wartches wur purchist new by me when I was under the enfluince of Demin Rum. Uthers was guv to me by well-meening relatives who no of my enterist in matters horkalogical. Still uthers was guv to me by those seaking faver with the Lord of Staytely Falstaff Manner. Eeche wartch tho has acshully bin warn by me personally, weather in the exacushin of my Lordly Dooties such as beeting the tinant farmurz, collecting taxis, exersizing my Droits de Seigneur with the nubile suns or dawters of sed farmurz (this happins alott) or acting as Justis of the Peece for every village, hamlet and hogg-wallow within my demesne.

With my next poast I will explane the turms of this sayle and pervide intfermashin about the fine tymepeeces included inn Falstaffs Bigge Box 'O Mistery Wartches!!! So stay tunned!!!
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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by Mortuus Fakeuus » May 22nd 2014, 8:26pm

:cry: ***SNIFF*** :cry: ***SNIFF*** :cry: ***SNIFF*** :cry:

Ah em soooo sorree to here yore offal tails of whoa, Mr. Staph...eye wheel sertinlea luk farwerd two your're sail wiff an "I" tuward dewing whut ah kin tuh hepp ewe thru yore di-fecal diffy-cult tymes...ah no that awl off hour colleegs join me in x-pressing our cumberbund combined beast wishess fore yoreslef, yore missus an dawgs 'n sew fourth...whee awl hoap that thangs wheel sune bea arthur bettur fore the Fawl Staph fambly an the Houce off Fawl Staph, ass wheel...whee is hear four ewe, Phallsy! :shock:

:cry: ***SNIFF*** :cry: ***SNIFF*** :cry: ***SNIFF*** :cry:

Damn, but that horseradish sauce has got some punch to it! Please slice me off another piece of prime rib, Gracie... 8-)
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UPDAYTE #3!!!!

Post by Falstaff » May 28th 2014, 8:24pm

HERE IT IZ - FALSTAFFS BIGGE BOX 'O MISTERY WARTCHES!!!!!

As minny of you no, I don't not ever poast know picshures doo too an unforchinit sircumstance in the Passed. Thus the Mistery aspect of Falstaffs Bigge Box 'O Mistery wartches - you wont be abul to sea theas fine tymepeeces untill they uhrrive at your hoam! I will pervide howsomever, a liszt of the wartches offered for sayle along with pertinent detales such a duhscripshin of the wartches, modill numburs and cundishin. As too the cundishin of theas wartches I wil use the TMZ scayle (TMZ is the populer Holliwude papparatsy telvidium show hoasted by Harvey Levine) viz and to wit: Is the wartch more bettur to look at than Kimm Kaardashboard's tits?

Turms of the sayle are ass follers: wartches to bea soled as a complete Lott only. Sayle is onlee opin to Watchlords of Gude Reputashin. All cummunicashons Via PMS on this Forim only. Upon receet of a PMS frum a inturestid Watchlord I will ship (at my xpinse) the Bigge Box 'O Mistery Wartches to you. You wil have 3 days or so to inspeckt the wartches and eyether return thim to me (at yur xpinse) or pay for thim. Paymint may be made by munny ordur, casheers chek, certified chek or persinal chek. You kin deduckt the coste of said munny ordurs or chex frum the toatal. All wartches wil bea (whenever possibul) shipt in there uriginal boxes with eny pappers or Manuels provided. Wartches without original boxes wil be carefully wrappt in a old sock. All wartches will bea in working ordur whin shipt with enny excepshins noated herein.

The tymepeeces are of all tipes, quarts, automatikul, and strate-up muhchanical. You cann ware thim for Funn, bestow thim as giffts to a horkalogikal inturestid child or frind or simply flip thim for Bigge Prophets on E-Baye.

Hear is the Liszt of Wartches included in this Sayle:

1. A Lucy-Ann Piccard modil 26586 skellingtonized automatikul on rubbur strapp. Dezined by Starship Enterprise Captain Piccards dawter, Lucy-Ann, this fine tympeece looks a hell of a lott like a Oddymars Piggette. Staneless case, exabishin back. 44mm. Box and papers. TMZ rating: yes

2. Unuther Lucy-Ann Piccard, modil 26560RO, roze-goald playte "opin hart" on brown aggligater imbosst strap. Tonneau case, solid staneless back, non-crown winding (shakey-rist style) automatikul. Farnck Muller enspyered? Subseconds, Day/nite subdial, and 24 hr. subdial (can act as GMT or secondaree tyme zone). Boxxe and papers. 42x50mm. TMZ rating: yes

3.Swiss Legend "Maverick". Modil 411036453. Neether swiss nor legendaree, this here quarts wartch is exacutid in roze-goald playte, staneless back with Swiss Legend imbosst rubber starp. 46mm. 3 hand black dial with date. Scru-down crown, 100m WR. Has Archie Luckshury style poke outs on eether side of the case making it look like a Hullbot Bigge Bagn! Sarah Pailin fans take noat - this is a Maverick - sez so on the dial! Boxxe and papers. TMZ rating: yes

4. Sottomarino Eyetalia "Squalo Martello", modil SM-50088Z, 3 hand quarts, black IP case, staneless back, black dial, "Sottomarino Italia" imbosst rubber starp. 44mm. scru-down crown, 200m WR. Can U say Bell & Rawss? A handsim wartch nonetheless. Boxxe and papers. TMZ rating: yes

5. INVICTER! modil 0143 quarts. This hear wartch is the Breemont Supermarnie lookalyke. Brite staneless case, solid back, black 3 hand dial with date, orange indices, black and orange unydirecshinal beezil. Currently on black sillycone "Oyster" starp. wil inclewed uriginal orange polly starp. Boxxe and papers. 46mm. TMZ rating: maybe

6. Marina Militare (no modil number) Chinees mfg. take on the famis nayme wartches warn by by the Fashist Eyetalian Navees. Titanium case, exabishin back, hand-wound muhchanikal. Black sandwich dial, green underlay numbers, subseconds at the 9:00. Cums on black Panatyme aggligater imbosst starp with orange stitching. 44mm. No boxxe or papers. TMZ rating: hell yes

BONIS MISTERY WARTCHES!!!!!
As a added value to this sayle I will throw inn the follerin wartches at know addishinal charge:

1. Vintage Wyler Incaflex auto 3 hander with date on brown aggligater imbosst starp. 32mm. Winds, date changes just fine butt runs awhile and stopps. TLC needed. No boxxe or papers.

2. Vintage Timex auto 3 hand/date. 70s style gold-tone cushion case with weird greenish brown dial. As with the Wyler, winds fine, date changes, runs and stopps. 38mm. TLC again, no boxxe, papers or starp.

3. Smith & Wesson EGO tactikul wartch. Japanees quarts, black poly case, poly crystal and black poly non-rotating bezel, staneless back. Silicone starp, black dial, orange numbers, 44mm. Boxxe and papers (?)


PRICE OF FALSTAFFS BIGGE BOX 'O WARTCHES - $200 USD FRIM!

This wurks out to $33.33 eeche fore the 6 wartches - or iffin you add in the bonis wartches - a mear $22.22 pur tymepeece! Whut a fantastical Deel! Bea the Invy of your frinds and naybers whin you sport wun of these fine wartches whyle totin out your trash or simonizing your mobile hoam. it is garantteed that the chek-out girl at the Kwikee Mart wil look at you with a knew appresheashin of your high status and good taste and wil wish to snork your Johnson strateaway.

Pleas PMS mee with enny qweschins about this Wwunce-in-a-Lyfetyme sayle. Pleas hurry and by theas wartches sos I kin git mee them eerfones and not have to lissen to Evangelines howelling while I am tryeing to lissen to the SQWATP Wartch Shows! - if nott, I wil have to putt her down witch wil brake my hart as she is my onlee remaining chile. Her Fayte restes inn your Hands.

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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by conjurer » May 28th 2014, 8:29pm

this Seams like a Lotte of affort Two make $ two Hundret dollers. why i Kud make that Muche bye celling 2 farrats!!
I find tv watches to be like the guys who raise their truck you need a fricken ladder to get in. It’s a attempt to look cool... that’s all.

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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by Horse Feathers » May 28th 2014, 8:39pm

i haves qwestchin wuld you takes persunal starten outs cheks and ships to a pos box alsos do yous haves any referunces thats has betters wartches theres nameds and adrusses and whens they leaves for werks durin the days
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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by Falstaff » May 28th 2014, 8:53pm

My pore chile what was struck in the Noggin with a shott-glass is a sleapin under the porche with the hounds and has Flees and you fellers wish to make lite of my pitifull sircumstansis and currint povertee with your humeris japes. For shayme.
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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by conjurer » May 28th 2014, 10:50pm

Falstaff wrote:My pore chile what was struck in the Noggin with a shott-glass is a sleapin under the porche with the hounds and has Flees and you fellers wish to make lite of my pitifull sircumstansis and currint povertee with your humeris japes. For shayme.


i feal Like a totel JAG-OFFE fer Fuks sakes. Pour fall-Staff is trying to Cell off sum of his Noted colleshun and Hear i am Brakeing his Ballz like a Portugeez pimp. Meen While his tired & Vary kristian Chillen our beaing-Arthur asalted Bye vagabonds who Our totally jaked with Demon likker. i'm Am a vary Small man rite now GODAM it.
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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by 3Flushes » May 29th 2014, 12:45am

howe mouch due ewe whant fur evangalene? eye could uze a chile tew sleap undur meye poorch tew skar aweight the koons' and the rattz' and the scunks' and whutknot frum Meye krallspayce and frum undur meye poorch beecuze eye kanknot hayve a koon Dawg beecuze eye,m ellurgik / peem mee if ewe hour enturestid

Bee'tee'way noice wartches, tew baad eye,m in tha know bye zoan, but Gee / El / dubya / ece !
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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by Mortuus Fakeuus » May 29th 2014, 2:09am

Eime very soirree , Feelstuff, butt eye got a reel badlee enfectud fanger that eye gawts frum tryna take muh rektul tempurchure wiffout uh gluv, an ah fourgott that eye'd had this reel bad kutt frum thuh udder daye when eyes butcherin uh squarrill mah sun dun shawtt. Ah sliced intwo thuh litle kridder's ribbcaige an thuh nife dun cum bak an slicet'ed awf thu tippee-tawp of muh midul-fengir awf. Well, it swole up sumpfin offal, Falsy, ann thuh dawktur sez eyes goan neede sum expansive care with lawts of ant-eye-bye-awt-ticks an uthur shite;; he sez he mite hafta amp-you-tater muh hole fanger, mebbey evin muh hole hand if'n them therr ant-eye-bye-ought-tix doan dew what they's a'posed tuh'dew. So if'n ah doan spind muh munny own them thar ant-tie-bi-otticks, ah may nawt have uh wrist own which'tuh put'em warches own, unles I lefty modem lack Searscraft an Rowbux duzz wiffizz wortchezz. Sory, butt ah gawtta go pea.

gud luck wiff yore sale, an ah'll sind yore kidd sum O-possim Greece for awl them bugg bights eye noze he's uh'gitten undur that ther poarch wiff awl'em dawgs. Uh feal lack uh ratt naught buyin' nunn yore larry fine wartchezz, buttchew ain' scene thuh goard-offal gray puss enficted gupe PUS whut cums out mah fanger when eye squeezit! everbuddy sez, ewww, paw...oops, ah gotta go p
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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by conjurer » May 29th 2014, 8:14am

Mortuus wrote:Eime very soirree , Feelstuff, butt eye got a reel badlee enfectud fanger that eye gawts frum tryna take muh rektul tempurchure wiffout uh gluv, an ah fourgott that eye'd had this reel bad kutt frum thuh udder daye when eyes butcherin uh squarrill mah sun dun shawtt. Ah sliced intwo thuh litle kridder's ribbcaige an thuh nife dun cum bak an slicet'ed awf thu tippee-tawp of muh midul-fengir awf. Well, it swole up sumpfin offal, Falsy, ann thuh dawktur sez eyes goan neede sum expansive care with lawts of ant-eye-bye-awt-ticks an uthur shite;; he sez he mite hafta amp-you-tater muh hole fanger, mebbey evin muh hole hand if'n them therr ant-eye-bye-ought-tix doan dew what they's a'posed tuh'dew. So if'n ah doan spind muh munny own them thar ant-tie-bi-otticks, ah may nawt have uh wrist own which'tuh put'em warches own, unles I lefty modem lack Searscraft an Rowbux duzz wiffizz wortchezz. Sory, butt ah gawtta go pea.

gud luck wiff yore sale, an ah'll sind yore kidd sum O-possim Greece for awl them bugg bights eye noze he's uh'gitten undur that ther poarch wiff awl'em dawgs. Uh feal lack uh ratt naught buyin' nunn yore larry fine wartchezz, buttchew ain' scene thuh goard-offal gray puss enficted gupe PUS whut cums out mah fanger when eye squeezit! everbuddy sez, ewww, paw...oops, ah gotta go p



dang i Thought mine own Bladdar was gonna Bust aftar reeding This jame-Mitchaner-novell Frum the ded-meister Ovar hear GODAM it.
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Re: Cumming soon: Falstaffs Bigge Box O' Mistery Wartches

Post by Falstaff » May 29th 2014, 8:45am

Itt saddins me that so minny of ewe are in the NSA zoan, expeshilly just whin this veritabul Treshure Troave of Fyne Tympeeces is cum up for sayle feeturing minny well-knoan brands as presented on the televidium by famis wartch spokesfellers.

3Fushelles: do ewe reely imajine I wood cell my ownlee dawter to a dejenerate Gambeller such as yorself? Besides, ewe didn't not evin make a fare offur. Ewe wood bea Farr better off with thim goddam wartches - for that meeger pryce you cud thorow thim at the skunches and coons and varyus uther pestilentchal rodentiae!

jaysin _Laz-E-boy: I wil be happee to inclewed a warlitt of genuwine lethur. it has a colorfull pitcher of a Mexikin in wun a them sombrino hats rideing a bureau thru sum cactises. Tho I have know keachanes, I wil throw-inn my faverite Oskur Meier Weener whissle!

Mortortoise: I truelley Hoape a fingur amputashin is nott in your Futchure. Butt if wurst cums to wurst you can count on me to give ewe the finger enny time ewe pleas.
"Open the pod bay doors, Hal." "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."
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