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Here goes nothin’:
1. First off, this is from Overstock.com:
You have many options when shopping for a luxury watch, and choosing the right men's watch or women's watch brand is an important part of the process. A watch should be an investment; look for a watch that will serve you throughout your life and be passed down as a family heirloom. ???? watches are quality timepieces with luxury styling. ???? men's watches and ??? women's watches are also affordable. ???? uses the very best Swiss watchmaking techniques and invests in top-notch, lavish materials. You can't go wrong with a ???? watch for your collection.
2. Sounds like something we’d all want to be part of, right? Here’s another hairy bit of prose culled from the actual website of a brand:
Exploring every detail of innovation, ????’s world is made of groundbreaking Craftsmanship, Partnerships and News & Events … Innovation is in our DNA, passion is our driving force. Far beyond established codes. A complete departure from conventions.
3. Let’s hear from more luxury, luxury, luxury:
Since their creation, ???? Watches has been known to be representative of the distinctive craftsmanship of Swiss watchmakers, and the expansive creativity of Italian style. Within the Italian landscape lies a city, historically known for the intelligence, strength and physical beauty of its inhabitants: ????
4. That one was news to me! Here’s more breathless prose sure to make you run to Wempe:
In the heart of the Vallée de Joux, in the Swiss Jura Mountains, the Manufacturer ??? has continuously renewed its creativity and inventiveness since 1833. One hundred and eighty different expert skills are brought together under one roof, to breathe life into the heart of the watches and to animate each infinitely small component. Design, assemble, decorate or crimp; every different stage required for the creation of a ??? timepiece is conducted within the Manufacture.
5a. Let’s check in with another friend, this one familiar to all of us good Americans:
From ???'s founding more than a century ago to the present day, innovative excellence has been at the core of each era and every collection throughout the brand’s history.
Now known as the "master of case complication," ???? has taken the meticulous art of case construction to new heights. Building each timepiece for the fierce of heart, the watches are an exemplary example of versatility, setting a precedent for braving the most adventurous or eloquent of activities.
This expertise and execution is anchored in a dedication to detail. In setting criteria for exceptional standards, each step of the production process embodies an articulation geared for enduring ingenuity.
5b. Pardon me, I am daubing tears from my eyes. That was so amazing that I’m inserting a second section from that same heralded brand:
The capability demonstrated in the performance and look of each ??? watch continues to surpass industry precedents. Successfully matching the level of design with engineering, creates a true experience for the wearer. In establishing criteria for exceptional standards, each step of the production process embodies an articulation geared for enduring ingenuity, heightening the possibilities.
6. One more, and this one will be pretty hard, I’d reckon. Well, maybe not. I know conjurer gets this one!
The lasting value of a ???? watch is based on the use of high-precision Swiss-made movements as well as sophisticated, handcrafted cases, watch dials and hands. By maintaining the strongest criteria of quality the manufacturing of these masterpieces of horology can be distinguished by their outstanding quality, high aesthetics, convenience and exceptional precision.
???? watches contrast pleasantly with uninspired ready-to-wear products by the grant of patents for unusually positioned date and day windows, the indications for telemetry, on the opposite of the central seconds stop hand or of the secret signature on the anti-reflection coating that is visible by breathing softly on the sapphire glass.
Numerous developments are under international protection of trademarks and guarantee to the devotees and collectors of this brand a longlasting uniqueness of these creations.
Since three decennies, this brandmark is occupied with the manufacturing of extremely flat and elegant watches and breaks constantly new records: Ultraflat quartz and mechanical watches are the flagship of ????.
All watch types of ??? are available in very limited numbers. Furthermore, all mechanical movements are thoroughly fine-adjusted. The adequate certificate is enclosed to the watch box of each mechanical watch.
7. One more, and this one is, well, you tell me:
Over the centuries, to the credit of the innovative spirit and perfectionism of its watchmakers, Switzerland has earned a one-of-a-kind reputation. ????? is committed to uphold this tradition and high standard of watchmaking craftsmanship. For more than 40 years, ???? watches have been manufactured in the company’s own state-of the-art workshops in Saignelegier. Here, all factors critical to the successful production of excellent watches with high perceived value converge: watchmaking know-how, skilled craftsmanship, industrial expertise, technological capability, and, not least, a pronounced sense of quality.
8. I’ll bet this last one is TOO easy:
It was a coincidental meeting halfway around the world that inspired the idea for ????. On this trip, our founder, ???, met an intriguing British gentleman with impeccable yet understated style. The man had a particular fondness for wearing his vintage watches on old, weathered NATO straps. His name? ????.
Inspired by his new acquaintance’s timeless style, ???? decided to create his own line of watches. Minimalistic and refined, the classic design with interchangeable straps that came to be has become a staple, with truly wide-ranging appeal. A few years on, this design is still part of the fabric of what makes ??? so special.
1 - Stuhrling Original, 2 - Hublot, 3 - Croton, 4 - Jaeger-LeCoultre, 5a & 5b, Invicta, 6 - Jean Marcel, 7 - Maurice Lacroix, 8 - Daniel Wellington