Post
by TemerityB » October 9th 2012, 7:47am
Leave it to koi to present us with a prescient topic we can really sink our teeth into without some mod/sponsor/simp censoring our comments. Thanks the watch heavens for
this place.
If you look at what I've been using as
my sig for the past few months – a most learned statement by TZ, I
might add – you'll see the crux of the argument. Do you see people
forming clubs because they like cheaper, just-as-tasty Trader Joe's
grape jelly over Welch's, and defending the brand while avoiding the
people in the supermarket aisle who prefer the bigger name brand?
Yet, the yellow box nation, ripped off continually, lied to, and
pandered to, keeps on raising that big yellow flag. It's insane, it's
illogical, and worst of all, it shows what a fucking cheesy place the
U.S. has become. Yeah, I said it – but so did Frank Zappa way back
in 1981 in an essay for Newsweek, “Say Cheese,” which, of
course, was rejected for being “too idiosyncratic” (you can find
it all over the 'Net). He was primarily talking about the arts, but
his tone was perfect: As a people, we'll take cheap and quick over
depth and quality every fucking time. Life's easier that way, right?
After collecting watches for years,
I've actually (perish the thought and brand me as a “hater”)
learned a few things. First off, and if this makes me a “brand
snob,” I'll wear the designation with pride like an Armani suit
(“What's that?” asks Johnny Rotisserie): I like Swiss.
Every ETA auto movement I've ever owned runs like a charm. The places
I've purchased actual “Swiss Made” watches from take care of me
after the sale, too – I can get my watches fixed if I have a
problem. Broken Omega crystal? New one in four days. Broken SAN III
“flame fusion” crystal? You're shit out of luck. Ask anyone who
has needed anything as minute as a clasp from the crap mill known as
IWG. Oh, and sapphire crystals and quality case construction are
important, too. You can hit me with all the “proprietary” names
and claims about “sapphire coated mineral crystals” or Krysterna
or Flame Fusion or whatever and whatever, and that includes the Seiko
stuff. Mineral crystals aren't as durable as sapphire. End of fucking
story. Ask a jeweler, not Skip Connelly.
Right now, I'd say my watch collection
has reached its zenith – there's no need to say to myself “it's
time to buy a watch.” I favor Hamilton, Tag Heuer, and Oris. I've
dabbled with smaller Swiss brands such as Bedat and Atlantic, with
good results. Happy with every one of them. Lots of nice attention
to detail and quality there. Oh, and I've learned the joys of
shopping at retail (“That costs too much!” scream the watch geeks
and whatnots). Oh yeah? When I walk into my favorite retailer, my guy
knows me by name, asks how the watches are doing, and my servicing
can be free for life if I purchase a warranty plan. So are battery
changes and water tests, for life. Yeah, that really sucks. That
yellow slip of paper you got with your Sea Spider isn't worth the ink
that made it the color of piss. Try to get your precious watch fixed
– anywhere. I dare you. I double dog dare you. When your watch
craps out, it's time for you to buy a new watch. And when buying mail
order, all your servicing, even on good pieces, then become an
out-of-pocket matter. So who's saving money, really?
I also have a couple of Seikos and a
big drawer full of what I call “work beaters” - yep, the cruddy
sports watches I bought offa the TV. I tried every one of those
brands, sold to me with smile and a wink and a virtual pat on the
back and a “congratulations for getting one!” Here's the quickie
summation: Renato is $100 Chinese watches pretending to be a “luxury
brand”; Croton is Chinese but at least priced that way; Stuhrling
Original is a cheap Chinese joke sold with dubious sales techniques
that are down there with the stuff that IWG continually pulls (look
up Magen's claims about the Swiss Federation just a few months ago);
Android, at the least, tries to do original things with color and
cases, but the materials are usually cheap and the bracelets and
straps are particularly horrid.
You see, those of you with your panties
in a bunch because we dare besmirch your beloved TV brands, we make
rational opinions on the watches you love because we have actually
tried them. We have compared the quality, the styling, the crystals,
the movements, the straps, and the casings. That's all there is to
it. These are not “fine quality timepieces,” no matter what a
Daniel Green or sellout Tim Temple would have you believe. They're
not even in the ballpark. Maybe those who are hating the haters
should do what I did about five years ago: Have the luxury of
watching, in real time, a watch being made. Watch the skill and
craftsmanship involved. See how minute the parts are and the care and
skill that it takes to build a really fine watch. But I guess what
would take time, money, and thoughtfulness to do; it's much easier to
order the newest lime green SAN III because Temple is warning you
that “the phone lines are burning” up and that you had better get
over to ShopNBC.com, and make sure you push the order button or
you'll lose what's in your cart. Amazing; mass-produced junk offered
in small quantities creates “collectability.” And they call us
haters for seeing through the ruse.
But here's the reason that real watch
fans despise the ShopNBC tango: Neither the people selling you these
cheesy watches nor the “company” with the name on them gives a
rat's ass about you. Quality companies that produce things with
moving parts usually have service departments. Time after time, story
after story is all over the internet about, particularly, IWG's
incredible lack of both quality control and service after the sale.
And don't get us started about their claims about “working with”
certain parts companies, claims that have been proven to be false
time and again. Just don't go there. Here's a credo to go by: If you
buy a watch for more than, say, $100 and you know from the onset that
you can't get it fixed? You're a born sucker. People are just selling
you stuff, and they're laughing at you all the while. But cheer up;
maybe next summer you can come to their tax-write-off fish sammich
jamboree and show off your Bolt – oh wait, you can't. It's sent out
for repairs; it might not be back by next spring.
Watch collecting isn't supposed to be
about hoarding every color of an Akula because some jackass on a TV
home shopping network told you to. It isn't supposed to be about
slavish brand loyalty, even. It's not about saving money or
spaced-out payments or anything of the sort. No, this is what watch
collecting is about, TV fans, taken from Forbes.com in a July
piece by Ariel Adams talking to Larry Petinelli of Patek Phillipe, a
brand I'll never own but always keep an eye on because, wonder of
wonders, I have an appreciation of fine craftsmanship instead of a
hatred for those who own what I can't afford:
“I would highly recommend that the
curious novice start with some basic trips to the watch brands
websites. I would also suggest going to a reputable retailer and
seeking out a knowledgeable sales person for guidance. The next step
in the process would be to look at old auction catalogs to research
which brands and styles hold their values. But most importantly,
chose a watch that you like and that fits your lifestyle.”
That's basically it; no need to make
things more complicated than that. Unless of course, you use TV
shopping networks as a surrogate family. If that's the case, your
problems only begin with your shit taste in watches in the first
place.
To sum up: Like a sporty-looking watch
you see on TV? Buy and it and enjoy it if you know what you're
getting into. But to start fan clubs and design t-shirts to sell to
fellow TV watchers proclaiming your love of … someone who sells
you things?
That's a topic for Sigmund Freud, not
me.
"Funny how things that start spontaneously end that way. Eat a peach." - Neil Young
:k[p[:
@TemerityB
